Sunday, February 8, 2009

I don't understand

I know God works. I know God works in His own way. I have seen it, I believe it.
But when this happens, I find it hard to understand.

I found this family through another blog. They took their baby girl to the Dr for repeated ear infections and come out of the office with a baby with cancer in Intensive care~within hours. Today, she died. Beginning to end, Thursday, Jan 23 to Sunday Feb 8.

Big ol' head, bright eyes, new teeth. Smiles and chubby and a brand new family, so in love, so loving. Such believers in God and His Miracles. Thanking Him for every good and asking for prayer protection against the bad. My heart was drug into their story by the fear, not the love or the faith. The fear that every parent has~PLEASE let this baby be OK. Let this family survive, let her live to grow up to give her parents moments of pride and grief and love and anger and joy and tears and all the things kids do. Let them yell at her for not cleaning her room and let them take her to her favorite restaurant for straight As. Let them hold her as she cries over that boy and smile through tears as she marries him. The fear that someday this could happen to my babies and It had to be OK. It Just has to be...

But my own tears prove that sometimes that fear cannot be overcome by prayer or hoping or wishing or screaming or crying. Sometimes things are out of our control. So as Little Cora is welcomed into God's loving arms, I grieve for her loss, I am grateful for her place in Heaven~but I still don't understand.

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