Drifting Divergence

Where I'm From

2011-06-27T22:18:00.001-04:00

I am from handmade quilts and Chevy cars, from RC Cola, Donald Duck orange juice, Marion’s Piazza and Mike-sell’s potato chips.

I am from the many, then finally the red brick, a small front porch with steps to sit out on, the spirits of lost souls, a big tree of shade and a promise to stay put.

I am from the tobacco plant, the clear spring water, the mulberry bush, the lilacs and suburban green grass.

I am from real Christmas trees and stubborn as hell, from Whitt and Robinson and Ashley and DuBord and Estes and rumors of Native American and French aristocracy.

I am from the give the shirt off your backs and the alcoholics and the lovers and the fighters, the coal miners and farmers, the runners and the returners, the forgivers and the grudge holders, the crazy ass and the always steady.

From get your shit off the stairs and did you get something to eat and do you need any money?

I am from Grandpa’s Bible, a tiny church full of hellfire and brimstone with Jesus’ promise of redemption, Grandma’s lap on a wooden pew, Rock of Ages cleft for me, sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains and Amazing Grace.

I'm from a small steel town, the middle of the Midwest, a bit north of the Mason-Dixon Line, Green British Isles, two stoplights, way down in the holler and over the next ridge, soup beans and cornbread, biscuits and gravy and stack cake.

From the time we put the box of caterpillars on Mom’s dinner plate and the Ohio State-Miami Championship game the night before Grandpa’s funeral, using the outhouse at Granny and Grand Dad’s house, Dad’s catering trucks and Jessie’s Buck and Sam and “It must have been the Ghost”.

I am from Grandma’s shed out back, cardboard boxes, a closet that seems to hold everything you’d ever need, a plastic box under the bed, in drawers under socks and the corner of a mind still sharp after all these years. I am from memories that will soon get muddled and faded but can be revived by “Do you remember the time…”

This comes from this template.

Kids and Sports...and Memories

2011-06-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

Michelle at Scribbit wrote about her frustration with organized sports for kids. Here is my comment on her post:

I have to take the opposite approach. My son has played travel baseball since he was 9 (now 17). He LOVES it and yes, I sacrificed. His sister (who graduates tomorrow!) was consumed by band. I sacrificed. Maybe it is different because I am a single mom, but I never minded a minute of it.
My kids had plenty of "get out and play time", our family time was spent at ball parks and football fields, but the drives gave us such great time to connect and they loved all the travel-a hotel pool is the best! I have friend whose daughter swims-and she is at the pool as much as we were at baseball-and the practices are at 5 am!
BUT...what works for your family is the thing to do. Period.

Then several people commented on the "evils" of organized sports. Oh, I get it! Trust me!

There are only so many books, magazines and newspapers to be read.
There is NO comfortable bleacher chair.
Fast food is sucky and expensive. It is a pain to pack a cooler every weekend to save money.
The parents/coaches/umpires/referees/judges can be incredible jerks
Mosquitoes, heat, cold, rain, sunburn, flat tires, blown engines, injuries, tears, frustration, heartbreak
Hours in car are mind-numbing exercises in stress and boredom
The list of crap left to do at home is looooong
The expenses are crazy! Uniforms, fees, gas, food, hotels-not to mention the shopping I did in new towns with new stores!
When the games are lopsided-either way-it is painful
Kids do need time to just be kids and play just for the joy of playing

Did it suck-Oh yes it did at times! I will not lie to you. There were times when I said "Are you sure you want to play again?" and really meant "Oh God, please don't make ME do this again!"

But in the end, it worked for us. My son focused on baseball, but he has played soccer, lacrosse, and basketball. My daughter played tennis and volleyball and lacrosse-liked all of them-but really focused on band. Her school band is competitive. They travel all over the state (and country) to compete and play. Just as much time, money and practice as sports, but with Journey/Michael Jackson/Queen/AC/DC tunes! (and if don't think there are the exact same issues as "sports" you are so mistaken!)

My kids are active in school and community clubs and volunteer in several community organizations as well as at school. They work part time jobs, maintain excellent grades and hang out with friends. Organized sports and activities are just part of what they are all about.

My kids have made friends they will remember forever. The experience of marching at the Governor's Inauguration Parade or playing at the Baseball Hall of Fame and hitting your first home-run at Cooperstown are memories I am glad my kids have. Yes, it is a stereotype, but they have learned teamwork, cooperation, winning with dignity and losing with grace. They have also learned patience, kindness, and that it is NOT OK to punch a coach in the face no matter how much you want to do just that!

I am better for the experiences as well. Chaperoning, marching, cheering, shivering, sweating,crying and laughing with these people will bond us forever. And as it all comes to an end, I am glad 18 is marching for the USF Herd of Thunder Band next year. She is not ready to let go of that camaraderie and hard work and frustration and joy just yet. Neither am I!

Dang Girl

2011-03-27T15:56:00.002-04:00

Things You Sholdn't Put in Your Vagina

WOW...Just WOW...

But I gotta!!!

2011-03-23T22:43:00.000-04:00

I’m posting this to enter a contest on offered by Brad’s Deals at Sweetney! I want to win the white iPad 2!

I know...words fail me...but I really want an iPad 2!!!!!!!!

Go over there and see if you can win! And check out all the other cool stuff going on.

18

2011-02-05T20:03:00.000-05:00

There is a war raging here.

A girl becomes a woman.

A mother becomes a friend.

Together

So we scrimmage

Come in-sync laughing

then crying silently

Apart

The emotional assault

Almost unbearable

We love hard

In concert

and wait for her life to begin

I WON!!!

2011-02-04T22:27:00.001-05:00

I won the coolest thing EVER!!!

From My Giveaway Today

A Samsung BluRay Player BD-C6500 with a 12-month subscription to TheGymbox

I cannot wait to use this cool thing! I am dying to kickbox!

Day 6 ~Something you hope you never have to do

2011-01-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

I pray every single night (and sometimes during the day) that I never, never, never have to bury a child.

I am not strong enough.

Bo

2011-01-29T01:34:00.000-05:00

Contorted,

Scooching over in the grass

Looking like some janky mess

Making low growly noises

Deep In his throat

Conniption Fit?

Naw,

Just the sweet feeling of

Finally getting that itchy spot

In the Center of your back

Then laying belly up to the Sun

Day 5~Something You Hope to Do in Your Life

2011-01-29T01:11:00.000-05:00

OMG. This list is loooooonnnnnggggggg...
Writing is a passion
Photography is growing on me
Find a niche in my work
Make and design jewelry
Travel
oooo the radio thing!

But really...at the end of the day...

I just want to make a difference.

Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For

2011-01-29T01:05:00.000-05:00

I forgive you
For breaking my heart
For breaking apart our family
Actually, I forgave you a long time ago.
But I still work on forgetting most days.

Another thing I do

2011-01-29T00:53:00.001-05:00

Another 2011 Word~Badassery

2010-12-31T15:32:00.000-05:00

Check this out chookooloonks

Her word for 2011: Badassery, which she defines as...

Someone who isn't afraid to wish good things for herself. Someone who believes she's worthy of being happy.
Someone who isn't afraid to make goals, and then once those goals are made, isn't afraid of taking those first, tiny steps toward achieving those goals.
Someone who realizes that taking care of himself isn't selfish or egotistical, but that sometimes you have to put the oxygen mask on first before you start helping others.
Someone who realizes that at his core, he's a good person. And that given this, when he makes a mistake, maybe he should go easy on himself.
Someone who, when bad things happen (and make no mistake, they will happen), will not spend valuable time thinking about who did her wrong, or why the world is conspiring against her, but will instead spend that time working through it by taking care of herself, leaning on friends as necessary, asking for help when needed, and treating herself as she would a good friend going through a similar situation. Someone who, when life knocks her down, does what she can to pick herself up, dust herself off, and try, try again.
Someone who makes kindness to friends, people around him (like waiters and others in the service industry), and even strangers his primary focus; and who also takes care to surround himself and cultivate relationships with good friends who have equal focus. Someone who is never afraid to speak his mind or his truth, but always does so with kindness.
And finally (and probably most predictably), someone who works hard at reframing the things that make him different, recognizing them as attributes that are sources of great beauty, and when used for good, maybe even superpowers.

I am SO going to be a badass this year...Look out 2011!

One Little Word

2010-12-30T11:49:00.000-05:00

For 2011....Hmm....one little word. One little word to be my light, to be my guide, to help me be all I can be (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines...sorry!)

Grace
Light
Faith
Joy
Patience
Playfulness
Giving
Loving

None of those are working for me right now. I need to find one this year that really is about me. I feel myself slipping into..not depression really...but a state of ...I can't describe it. I need to be the center of my own attention...for once...

This year's word for me must be FOCUS. I need to focus on my health. I need to focus on my schoolwork. I need to focus on my work. I need to focus on my home. I need to focus on my kids and their futures. FOCUS is what I need. So~how do I..SQUIRREL!!!!!

What is your word for 2011?

Ali Edwards

Longing

2010-11-21T15:25:00.000-05:00

Eavesdropper
Under a Full Miami moon
I sit eyes closed
Listening to the waves make love to the sand
Thrusting and crashing and then
sweet whispered sigh of release
as the waves climax and
the sand welcomes the surrender of her spent lover

Voyeur
I move belly down
over the dune
transfixed on the secret ritual of the ocean and shore
I inch closer
hoping to be welcomed in
They tease me
touching gently in invitation
then pulling back laughing
knowing this eternal dance
is meant
just for two...

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for

2010-10-13T20:18:00.000-04:00

I have so much. I extend the "Hold no grudges" rule to every one but myself. And my grudges-I hold them right around my waist!

I need to forgive myself for the one regret I have. This is my one regret. I wanted to have the same name as my kids-it is the natural thing. You get married, you have kids, everyone has the same name. I-we-didn't do it that way and I am sorry and regretful and sad..still.

I have amazing kids-no regrets or anything to forgive there. SO today-I let it go..gone..poof...history.
Moving on...

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

2010-10-04T22:55:00.000-04:00

Love...now that is a word I can really get behind!

I love that I am not a grudge holder. Yes, I get angry, like volcano spewing angry, but as soon as the lava dies down, I am over it. Like Instantly. All is forgiven~all is forgotten. It drives my kids crazy, cause I can go seriously ape-shit, but then I am all like 'Who wants ice cream?".

It a crazy ride, but it all LOVE baby, all the time :)

30 Days of Truth-Day 1

2010-10-03T13:31:00.000-04:00

Something you hate about yourself
Wow...that is a real fun starter, right? Let's see...I really dislike the word "hate". I have lots I dislike-procrastinator, messy, forgetful, loud, mean sometimes, slacker, opinionated~it could be a long list. But hate..

I hate that for whatever reason, I continue to refuse to believe in myself. I don't see smart, I don't see a successful person, I have a very hard time with compliments. I focus on what I could have done, should have done...it is just weird. I always stop just short of that thing I want to achieve. I am the worst self-saboteur you will ever meet.

Maybe I need therapy???

30 Days of Truth

2010-10-03T13:23:00.000-04:00

I am going to do this as a way to keep myself connected to this blog. As I have so many things going on, I have let my writing languish and I feel it in my heart. I need some prompts, so here goes...

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I will not be writing in consecutive days, just as the mood strikes. See you soon :)

**I found this here and I think he said he got it here if you want to play along at home.

Dead Man's Float

2010-05-25T23:29:00.000-04:00

Face Down
All loose limbs and little bubbles
Heartbeat in my ears
Complete relaxation

Face Up
Tighter harder to control
Sun in my eyes
Weightless and tense

Flip over
Limpid and boneless
Part of the surface
Longing for Oneness

Deep Breathe
Contact Broken
Dead Men can float
Live Women must swim...

The Dance

2010-05-21T22:22:00.003-04:00

I need to dance

I can feel it in my blood
the bubbling
the urge

Not a swirly girly princess at the ball dance

I need a throwdown
the thumping beat
the pulsating light

Not a toe-tapping cowboy in the saloon dance

I need a free-for-all
the sweaty dance floor
the top of a table

Not a middle aged librarian at the oldies bar dance

I need some dirty dancing
the grind of my hips
the complete lack of inhibition

And a whole lotta tequila

Dad

2010-05-15T23:09:00.003-04:00

Dad..?

I sit in a Hospice room next to my father. Just like a million daughters before me. But I haven’t spoken to my dad in years. Haven’t seen him in about ten. I do not want to be here. I left my kids and my home and my work in Florida. But they told me he was asking for me. So I came. I speak to him, hold his hand, feed him his dinner, adjust the oxygen, tell him about my kids and life. He never really seems to take in that it is me. I could be anyone.
Yet…here I sit.

Dad…?

My father is a sweet man. He had A TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD. Crap I do not even want to think about-terrible. He had dreams that never came true and found a woman who loved him just like his mother-through manipulation, guilt and obsession. He chose her over us-not meaning to, but he just didn’t know how not to do that. He lost his not-nice father very young and his mother lost her mind and he never really knew how to be a dad. Explanation-not an excuse.
Yet…here I sit.

Dad…?

People who don’t matter are making my brothers and sister crazy. There is drama and tears and self serving insanity and all sorts of shit that really is not OK when someone is dying. Dying should be peaceful-especially when you know it is coming. Get your shit together people. Put aside your anger at the world. We can dissect the why he made those choices after he is dead. Save your “Your Dad has been trying to tell you something for 20 years-Listen to him.” What the hell? Who are you? He knew where I was…breathe…let it go….
Yet, here I sit.

Dad…?

Strangers have been taking care of him and my step-mother for years. That’s OK. I didn’t want to do it. I am not good with crazy bullshit. I distanced myself because of my grandmother first, then because of my stepmother, then I moved away and physically distanced myself from the crazy-I never wanted to distance myself from my Dad, but I made that choice. OK, so…A couple of these strangers have his health power of attorney, signed as daughter and son-in-law. Really? Did you move 5 times before you were 10? Did the bankruptcy people take all your stuff? Did your parents divorce because your mom was sick of the never enough dreams and reality was easier to deal with if his dreams went to live somewhere else? REALLY? Screw all of you...stop...let it go...it doesn't matter...
Yet…here I sit.

Dad…?

All I want is for him to have peace. Peace and quiet he did not have in his life. I want the crazy folks to leave him alone. Quit making demands of him-take care of us, you need to, why can't you, why didn't you.... Just let him be. “Terminal Agitation”. He was going through all the motion of his regular work day. Making change, stocking his truck, even sneaking a snack. It was funny! People mistook it for fear or anger and it agitated THEM...he was just finishing up the business of living so he could take off at the end of the day. He would do it if we are here or not.
Yet…here I sit.

Dad…?

I sit next to him on a bright Ohio spring morning. I have my feet up reading a book and he is tranquil next to me. His truck is stocked, his customers taken care of. We are alone…quiet…serene. Just the two of us. He makes a sound like he is crying and I look over…

Dad…?

He has a tear falling down his cheek, eyes closed…

Dad..?

He exhales slowly…

Dad..?

He never inhales.

Dad…?

Daddy...?

Daddy…

Freakin' computer

2010-05-03T21:01:00.001-04:00

Pisses me right off! No post yesterday...Gonna pretend it didn't happen and move on to today's post :)

Cracked

2010-05-01T14:42:00.002-04:00

Yesterday
I Cracked

After Pounded

By

Attitudes
Ignorance
Disregard
Apathy
Narcissism
Disrespect

I Cracked

Out Gushed

My

Anger
Resentment
Sarcasm
Contempt
Stress
Irritation

I Cracked

So Overwhelmed

With

Shame
Embarrassment
Mortification
Consternation
Dismay
Chagrin

I Breathed

Today
I healed

Potluck~

2010-04-26T16:52:00.021-04:00

So...

I am popping popcorn (like every Friday am) when I hear screaming down the hall where the kids sit before school starts (it is early, maybe 7:30 am).

"They are fighting, They are fighting!"

"What is going on here?" {in my best principal in training voice}

"They were fighting and SHE (pointing a Kindergarten student) used the F WORD!"

"Both of you, with me-You {pointing at most reliable tattletale in the mix} come and tell me the story."

stay with me..this is where it gets good...

"OK, OK, OK, so, She (the k kid) was messing with the big kid's brother. The big kid ( a 2nd grader) says stop it and leave him alone. The little kid walked up, said "Oh yeah, well you are a FAT F@*& and then flicked the big kid in the forehead. The big kid slapped her."

OK...breath in...breath out...{remain in principal in training voice}

Yelled at the slapper (who really just pushed her on the arm), wrote up the flicker, popped popcorn.

The insult to injury was the forehead flick..I would have slapped her too!

Peanut Butter Crackers
5 (yes 5) flash drives
12 pens
a quarter

blah...blah...assessment..blah
tests...blah...blah
tears, deadlines...blah, blah
Grade....93.9%

yes it is that small on purpose...

The Bloggess

She is some serious funny...if you like that sort of thing
(not safe for work...or really human eyes)

Blog Hoppin'
YOU ARE NEXT :)

Thanks to June Cleaver Nirvana

Bored...

2010-04-19T22:04:00.000-04:00

I am bored-God forbid I clean or write or do home work! SO....

4 shows I like to watch:
1. Big Bang Theory
2. NCIS
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. Man v Food (it's like a train wreck-I have to watch!)

4 things I am passionate about:
1. My Kids
2. Reading
3. My family/friends
4. The Beach

4 phrases I say a lot:
1. REALLY?
2. Not so much
3. F#*&
4. So...

4 things I have learned, or am learning:
1. Smile and say Hi to everyone you can everyday
2. I do not need an A on everything (ok...this is a work in progress)
3. Holding on to a grudge is hard work
4. Sit Still and Breathe~Let God do His Work

4 places I would like to go:
1. Ireland
2. Australia
3. Grand Canyon
4. Any Beach, any time

4 things I did yesterday:
1. Dishes
2. Laundry
3. Homework
4. Yelled at kids

4 things I am looking forward to:
1. End of the school year
2. Lindy's Senior Year
3. 30th High School Reunion
4. Finishing my Master's Degree

4 things on my wish list:
1. My own Home
2. Money for the kid's college education
3. Happiness for my kids
4. Retire with my health and some $$

4 people I tag:
1. Lee
2. Renee
3.All of Facebook
4. ll of Blogger :)

Sigh....

2010-04-02T15:47:00.005-04:00

It is Friday of Spring Break. 16 went away to play baseball in Orlando, 17 worked and stayed at her dad's...Old Man Dog (he is no longer Fat Dog, he is now Old Man-he sits on his favorite chair all day, farts and ignores us!) and I hung here. I went to the pool twice, ignored the crap I needed to do around the house and took naps. It was so unproductive-but so what I needed! Gaze upon the sight and be jealous!

Happy's Place
Sleazy Romance Novel and Strawberry Margarita poolside

BFF's place
Coastal Living and Crystal Light poolside

And since I cannot be happy unless I post a picture of my feet, here is today's awesomeness!

LibraryGirl's Awesome Feet

The Baby Bro and his fam are coming down, the kids are back in school, 16 has a tourney all week, 17 is studying for the SAT and I am headed back to work and grad school. Life goes on-faster and faster. I need to somehow slow the rotation of the planet so I can remember to savor these moments. I am grateful my kids are so awesome, that they will hug and kiss and call me and ask for my advice and tell me all about their lives. But the time is coming that I just will not be physically close enough to look in their eyes and talk to them. I won't be able to hug and kiss them and yell and scream and all the stuff Moms do. So as much as I really truly madly deeply enjoyed my alone time this week, I look forward to getting back to normal~my normal for the next 2 1/2 years, anyway.

Then~I need to find a way to finance my new sit-by-the-pool-and-read lifestyle-cause Momma can rock that!

Really?

2010-03-16T17:35:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted since DECEMBER? How will I take over the world? How will I get freebies from companies? How will I ever be a real writer?? OMG! I am such...a...*Sob*...*sob**BLOG FAILURE!!!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T12:16:00.002-05:00

My Christmas wish for you: Awesome people, great food, sweat pants & warm fuzzy socks, nice weather, cool gifts, laughter, tears, hugs, a good nap, shiny stuff, incredible words, cold Diet Coke (oops,that's for me), peace in your heart , love in your soul and Santa in your living room. Thank you God for the gift of Your Son...and to my Jewish friends...Enjoy your Chinese food.

I posted this on Facebook. So if you are reading it twice...lucky you!!
Have a very Merry Christmas. Prepare yourself for my New Year's post...I haven't even written it yet, but I am sure it will be my usual exhilarating wonderment....I just gagged my self with that one...

Count Your Blessings

2009-11-11T20:21:00.006-05:00

I have been fortunate in my motherhood. When I decided I wanted a baby, I was pregnant 3 months later...and then 6 months after that 17 was born...without my knowledge or consent (but that is a story for another day)
I had good pregnancies with non-deliveries (C-sections)-I don't give birth- and I have awesome, rotten, glowingly healthy kids. They always have been crazy hale and hardy! If you don't count broken bones, busted ear drums or scarlet fever...
That is why this hit me hard~and why it is so weird how...connected...I feel to this child. A child I never knew until the day she died and some bloggers posted about it. A child who I sobbed over dying~but I really think I was crying because I never knew her and really never could have. In all my days of baby-gazing~and I LOVE to baby-gaze~I have never seen such a face. It was so expressive...and those eyes...and that smile...
So tonight, kiss your babies-no matter their age-and send a Happy Birthday to Maddie in Heaven. Today she is two.

Have you ever seen such Joy?

Picture from http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/

Please consider contributing to
friendsofmaddie.org
to support families of babies in NICUs

Thankful Tuesday

2009-11-10T22:11:00.003-05:00

**lucky for you, I have not taken any new pictures of my feet!**

Thankful Tuesday

1. No sign of flu~swine or otherwise!
2. A "teenage boy website"-free computer
3. Baseball is over
4. Soccer has started
5. I don't have to go up North this winter :)
6. My mom stills takes care of me-
she's buying the 2 plastic tablecloths 17 needs and forgot to mention until 9 pm tonight!
7. The new houses my friends are all moving into!
8. The best "media assistant" in the world! <3 U Rose!
9. As always...God, 17 and 15
10. This has NEVER made its way into my house...

Don't Judge Me!

2009-11-09T20:06:00.003-05:00

We were driving to school with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (BFF's Girls-we take them to school everyday) and 15 was able to recite-from memory-the entire McDonald's menu by number. As we sat in awe, he looked at us and said "Don't judge me". We CRACKED UP!! It was so funny!

So...I thought I have a whole list of things I don't want to be judged on...

1. The cleanliness (or lack of) of my home.
2. The smelliness of my dog.
3. The number of shoes and purses I own.
4. My love of NCIS
5. My radio ADD
6. Books...books...more books
7. The fact that I don't remember birthdays or to send Christmas cards...You know I love you all, right? You don't need a piece of paper or a picture of us on the beach wearing khakis and white T's to know that..do you?????
8. I never check my voice mail.
9. eBay jewelry
10. My choice of words...u know what I mean **wink-wink** OK! I cuss too much!
11. The way I drive
12. Diet Coke-ok-that is like my life's blood, so we can't count that!
**God, I am a mess! This list is getting toooooooo long!

So tonight, as I lay my little head down on my carefully arranged pillows (2 under my shoulder, 2 beside me, 1 between my knees and a special 1 under my head), I ask you not to judge me for my idiosyncrasies -embrace them-join me
We have margaritas and chocolate chip cookies at the meetings ;)

Today's special guest

2009-11-08T21:10:00.008-05:00

Sunday Scribblings

Welcome to our show! Today's special guest is...oh, let's see, I've lost the card...Oh yes, here it is! Today's special guest is a mother, a librarian, a wanna-be writer...Let's welcome...ME!

**applause...applause***

Thanks so much for being here today!
Thanks for asking me to be here today
It has been a long time since your last visit
Yes, way too long
So what's new in your life? Any special projects?
Well~I have to wash the dog, do about 1000 loads of laundry...
Sounds delightful!
Oh and wash the car!
Excellent, excellent...I see here on my card that you have been writing.
Yes, I am doing the whole"blog for 30 days" thing
Oh! I heard about that! Everyone is doing it!
Well...my blog is different from the others!

**awkward silence**
**crickets**

And OK then. So are you writing anything else?
I am doing some technical writing. And getting paid .02 each to select titles.
That makes you a "published author" then, doesn't it

**canned laughter**

I can see by the clock on the wall we only have few moments left. Have you been doing any traveling?
Oh YES! I just returned from lovely St. Petersburg, FL where I spent an extensive amount of time at the Raymond A. Naimoli Baseball Complex. I also was on tour with a delightful group of musicians and we played two different footballs stadiums on consecutive Friday Nights.

Sounds like a wonderful experience! Well, we are out of time-until next time. Won't you come back soon and tell all about your exciting career?
Oh! I have such an riveting tale about the snakes in the library!

We look forward to hearing all about it.
And join us tomorrow when our guest will be the traumatized maids who had to clean the hotel room that smelled like feet and ass after the teen age boy baseball players left. A sad, terrifying tale~Don't miss it!

Until then, Drive Safe and don't forget...the middle finger is the universal symbol for "Hey! I respect your skills behind the wheel!"

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

2009-11-07T18:59:00.001-05:00

baseball tourney, Holiday Inn, MY OWN SUITE!!! The guys are staying with dad, so I have a big, beautiful King size bed and suite to myself!

Dang...Life is good! I am gonna have a steak dinner, a long shower and a good night's sleep! WOO-HOO!!!!

Life and Love

2009-11-06T23:12:00.002-05:00

Running
from
baseball to soccer

Dashing
from
band to mock trial

Scurrying
from
Job 1 to Job 2

Grab backpacks and lunches
and money and uniforms
and homework and phones

Phone call
Text message
E-mail

Pause
Breathe
Do it all again

What will I do
when
it all

stops

Just one of the Guys

2009-11-05T22:32:00.002-05:00

So 15 and I were driving the other day, talking about how the virus got on my computer...

LG: So, how did you come to find the lovely website you visited? Did you stumble across it or did someone tell you about it?
15: XXXXX told me about it.
LG: Doesn't surprise me.
15: Mom, can we not discuss this anymore? I have a lot on my mind and it is distracting me.
LG: Well, not to mention it is embarrassing discussing boobs and girls and p**n with your mom.
15: Nah, you're just like one of the guys.

I am flattered...I think...

Why can't everyone be like us?

2009-11-04T17:48:00.003-05:00

My computer is still infected with "I can't tell you which website I went to 'cause you'll be mad" disease, this is will be quick and lame...I can't drop out of NaBloPoMo on day 4!

A question to ponder...Why is everyone else so lame when we are so fabulous? I know we go through life dropping daises and smelling like sunshine and spreading joy wherever we go-why can't everyone be like that?

**smile-frown**

I was just wondering....talk amongst yourselves and let me know what you come up with.

A quick one counts, right?

2009-11-03T16:38:00.004-05:00

I can't write at home cause my computer has "teenage boy-itis", so today is a quick

"Thankful Tuesday"

1. My sense of humor

2. The crazy people I know who "get me"

3. A car that starts, runs, gets good gas mileage

4. My cell phone and its awesome camera

5. A part time job that pays well and is really kind of fun.

6. Someone has paid me to write!

7. My parents rock!

8. The Good Lord shining down on people who truly deserve it.

9. I have yet to really lose it this week... I have been "testy"...

but no one has had to face "THE WRATH OF LIBRARYGIRL"

but hey! H1N1 clinic tomorrow, so ...

10. You..whomsoever you may be :)

I can't take the pressure!!!!!

2009-11-02T20:41:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I committed to this 30 posts in 30 days thing. I can do this-I think-maybe. I can talk about the people I work with freakin' right the hell out over our switch to a new e-mail system. Or my son infecting my computer with a virus while "doing what teenage boys do" on the Internet. Or my discussion with a friend over whether it is better to have a 60 IQ or a 135 IQ-both sides have their merits, believe me. Or that stupid lady (or was she smart?) who called in her own self as a drunk driver (really funny transcript). Or I could go to the half dozen "prompt sites" I subscribe to and wax poetic on some random subject. But none of those are as good as this...

30 blogs in 30 days

2009-11-01T19:06:00.000-05:00

My Whole Foods Cinderella Fantasy

2009-11-01T17:38:00.003-05:00

Ok, I have a confession...I LOVE Whole Foods. I go there like 4 times a year, and always for the same 3 reasons.
1. The Outrageous Cookie. Oatmeal, choc chips, raisins, cranberries, coconut~2 die 4.
2. The No Nut trail mix.
3. The hot food bar-wicked awesome and crazy expensive.
I spend about an hour and $10.00 every time I go-and I so happy! So why, you ask, do I only go there for those reasons and love it so much? Well, it involves my fantasy life...

You see, I drive in the parking lot, park my Chevy Cobalt, slip on my Old Navy flip flops and slide up to the front doors, past the beautiful fall flowers arranged just so. As soon as the doors slide open, my Fair Trade Fairy Godmother waves her organic magic wand over me and I grow six inches. My crazy gray hair becomes perfectly coiffed in a in a $40 barrette. The $1 flip flops become classic black pumps. Baggy Khaki shorts are now a "just tight enough" pencil skirt, white cotton T-shirt morphs into the perfect shade of pink light cashmere shell. My Cobalt becomes a Land Rover. Gucci shades and Blackberry in my Coach bag and I am ready to grocery shop after a long day of meeting with my editor about my next book.

Suddenly, price is no issue. It is all about "the health of my family" $5.00 /lb organic apples, fresh ground almond butter, cold pressed olive oil, free range chicken and no growth hormone milk. Grass Fed beef and stone ground corn tortilla chips and allergy-free everything. I contemplate the merits of dried pomegrante bits versus acai berries for my salad. Shall I buy the honey roasted almonds with cherries or the almond-chocolate-cherries-cranberries trail mix? It is on sale-2 bags for $10.00 -Oh-let's get both! Fresh squeezed juices and the aisle with all the choose your own nuts and beans and granolas! Dinner from the multi-national hot food bar tonight! Organic plant-based shampoo, hand made soap, Earth Shoes, Raw Diet protein bars...Amish butter and Wisconsin Cheeses and Costa Rican Coffee-OH MY!

I fill my cart with all kinds of good for me-good for small foreign nations-good for the Earth stuff, pull out my awesome recycled plastic bottle shopping bags and pack my groceries. I pay with my Black Centurion American Express and head for the doors, calling my retired professional sports playing husband to let him know I am headed home and he should pick up our 2.5 children from the delightfully diverse private school they attend. No help for us-we are "hands on" parents. As the doors slide open, the clock strikes ...

I emerge from the store into the bright FLA sunshine. I slip on my drug store shades, break off a piece of the best cookie I have ever eaten and slide behind the wheel of my trusty American car. I pull a store brand water bottle from the cooler I have prepared and go to watch my son play baseball on this glorious day. I am smiling, happy and content. Just the way a girl should feel after living a fantasy.

P.S. Do you think you can high from granola with Hemp? Just asking!

If this is a mid life crisis where is my red Corvette?

2009-08-14T22:09:00.004-04:00

So here it is Friday Night. I am wearing a $2 t-shirt from Wal-Mart and really ratty underwear. Playing Chicken Invaders 3 and listening to Toby Keith ask "How Do You Like Me Now? (oh just fine Mr.Keith, just fine ;) and watching a show on TLC about a flaming gay man addicted to rhinestones designing gowns for pageant queens in Oklahoma (yes-all at the same time-nothing wrong with a little adult on-set ADD). An empty box of Mike and Ike on the coffee table.

WOW

I know...right? I think it is awesome too!

I am really happy. I am-I mean it. Even though I sound like the chick version of the guy in the Brad Paisley song "So Much Cooler On Line". I am content. Even though I sit in a complete state of inertia. I can't move forward and I don't want to go backwards. There must be angst hidden there or I would not be prompted to write for the first time in months. Let's see...

Angst 1: I have been in contact will several old friends from high school or old jobs-Facebook of course-and it just makes me wonder. While I sit here in this little Fla town on the edge of the ocean, how does my life stack up? I have a job I love and really great kids~but no grand adventures, no tragic love stories, no...oommph...no.....well, you know. How many times can I pull out the old "I went to the Playboy Club" thing or "One time we went to the horse races and ended up in the Bahamas"? I have had a few brushes with odd people~the lesbian with the tambourine, the MySpace guy with the librarian fetish, the stalking of the Publix meat manager, the Australian Professional Wrestler~but nothing exciting. Nothing that will get me a drink in a bar or invited to dinner so I can retell the story. Sigh.

Angst 2: Secret Envy rules my subconscious these days. I am covetous of my teenage daughter and her freedom and exploration of life. God, high school was fun and awful and crazy and I am so happy she is doing it and not me. I am jealous that my friend is going back to school and getting OUR Leadership Degree. I am coveting her WRITING-stuff people actually want to read. I am even begrudging her the awkward and slightly painful relationship she just cut out of her life. Dude, this guy (while very nice-a real sweetheart) called her muffin and his underwear panties. He had to go but still, he was there in the first place. I am lusting after the new house she is going to buy~sure, the old house is slowly killing her with Chinese drywall, but she is getting A NEW ONE! I am totally envious of my best friend who is fostering a 1 year old and a 2 year old. She can't go anywhere or do anything,but she has little ones again!
Which leads me to...

Angst 3: I have lost my balls. I can't make a decision to save my life. I think I want more babies or NOT... I want a man and I want to be single. I want to buy a house and I want to travel with my dog, iPod, computer and not much else. I want my kids to go to college and I want them to stay with me forever. I want to stay here so I can take care of my Mom and I want to live in a tent on the edge of a jungle near the water all alone. I want to write a book and a blog people read and do it "anonymously" while people celebrate my wit and enormous vocabulary in the comments . I want to build libraries in Africa and I want to go buy a sleazy romance novel to read in my chair as a hot cabana boy brings me margaritas and sunscreen. I want to be a slug and I want to compete in sprint triathlons. Which leads me to...

THE ULTIMATE ANGST: I am sure this is a mid-life crisis. A man on a dating site asked me why -at 47- I called my self "middle-aged". He is 52 and all the people at the gym think his life is really just beginning-after dumping his first wife for a 22 year old personal trainer (OK-I added that part but you were thinking it and it is probably true). Why? Because no matter how you look at it, I am in the middle of my life. I have been through 3 phases and am getting ready for the rest. It ain't good or bad~it is reality.

If I were a guy, I would put on my "cool shirt"-polyester from 1977- throw on a few chains, go to the local hot spot in my penis-replacing red sports car, spend money like water, pick up a beautiful girl with daddy issues and start my life over. If I were a different woman, I would dye my hair, get contacts, drop 100 pounds, wear something that shows my boobs and cool shoes that make my legs look a mile long, go to the new local hot spot in my ball-replacing black "elegant" sports car, throw around money and pick up a beautiful boy with mommy issues and start my life over.

But I am me. Stuck on the precipice of the rest of my life-the next phase-my "new freedom". I don't know what I want and I don't know where I will go or how I will get there. But it will be OK. I have several career paths I can follow-or I can happily stay where I am for 20 more years and that would be OK too. I have friends who will push or pull me along on all their adventures and from time to time let me navigate the next road we take. I have kids who have SWORN they will put me in a really nice nursing home and pay for it. I even have a "half-son" who says I can sleep in his spare bedroom in the basement. It's all good...

But I really do want that Red Corvette~cause I look really good behind that wheel!

10 Things Tuesday

2009-07-14T22:44:00.003-04:00

Baseball Feet
Perfect Game Tourney-Ft. Myers FL~Terry Park

1. Travel Baseball's over for the season~but I really enjoy it and will miss it
2. Weightlifting and Batting Instruction are ongoing~
otherwise that boy would drive me CRAZY!
3. 16 can drive~and work!
4. Hugs every morning from 23 little people who are genuinely glad to see me.
5. The Public Library
6. An Ex who pays his child support~happily!
7. Text Messaging~LOVE IT!
8. Air Conditioning (it is really hot here!)
9. Red Box Videos
10. IKEA this Friday~and the friends who are going with me :)

What are you grateful for this week?

10 Thankful Toes

2009-07-07T21:00:00.004-04:00

Ft Myers Beach, 4th of July

I am stealing this idea from A Little Bit Funky and I am going to do a Thankful Tuesday very week (that I remember!). Hopefully mine will not be the only toes you see here, but gaze upon these adorable, relaxed feet, my friends. They CANNOT get any happier :0

10 Things I am thankful for:
1. Truly awesome friends
2. Work I love
3. The Beach
4. A God who always manages to come through, even when I don't always trust He will.
5. Someone needier than me took my favorite shoes (OK, I am not thankful for that, but it is how I am dealing, OK????)
6. The Gift of words and a place to put them.
7. Goodwill purses
8. My favorite "child" Bo~and the other 2, too
9. Ice Cold Fountain Diet Cokes
10. I still have my grandma :)

Feel Free to leave you own thankfuls~and don't just confine them to Tuesdays!

Stripped Down

2009-05-12T21:23:00.002-04:00

weekend wordsmith

Sometimes
I want to be rid of this uniform of conformity

Sometimes
I want to be naked and bare to the world

Sometimes
I don't want to be Mom and responsible for other people

Sometimes
I don't want to go to work and care about other people's children

Sometimes
I don't want to play nice with the stupid narcissistic people

Sometimes
I just want to be me and do what makes me happy

Stripped down
To music and french fries
Diet Coke and the Beach and a book

Sometimes
I realize those feelings
Make me one of the stupid narcissistic people

And I put my uniform back on

And smile

Fear

2009-05-07T22:20:00.003-04:00

I don't get it. On paper, I have the best life ever. I have INCREDIBLE (yes, they are cap worthy) kids, unbelievably awesome friends, the best colleagues a working person could ever have. And yet, I am stymied. I can't move forward. Why? Is is fear of failure? No...I don't think so, I fail all the time. I am not afraid to speak my mind, I have great ideas. I do possess a little jealousy~sometimes I look around and think "I could do that". I could be a writer, a world famous blogger, an expert on something, get my Ed Leadership Masters and be a catalyst of change at the District level. I could eat better, exercise more~I CAN complete that sprint triathlon I keep yapping about, I know it~ so why aren't I doing any of those things? Is it fear of failure? No~I think it boils down to fear of success.

Express Written Consent

2009-04-08T14:17:00.002-04:00

Today
I signed a contract

Not
really legally

But
in my soul quietly

I
agreed I matter

And
I put it in writing

Sorry! and I think I am back

2009-04-07T23:45:00.002-04:00

Hey kids! Miss me? I have missed you!
I don't really know where I have been. Here and there. Hither and Yon. Around and About. But I am back now. I have missed writing and I am ready to get back to it. It won't be very day. But it will be often. I promise:)

The Bulllet

2009-02-14T16:06:00.004-05:00

for weekendwoedsmith

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the President
It took the Future
It took the Healing

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the Reverend
It took the Faith
It took the Dream

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the President
It took the Well-being
It took the Hope

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the Broken Man
It took the children
It took the families

The Bullet still takes the lives
of the Innocent People
It mocks the Reward for its capture
It is in control

The Bullet thinks it is all powerful
Destroying our Future, Healing, Faith, Dreams, Well-being, Hope, Children and Families
For all its Destruction, Pain, Heartache, Death, Agony, Misery, Suffering and Turmoil
It is not in charge
We hold the gun

The Bullet never works alone

VD SUCKS*

2009-02-14T10:56:00.002-05:00

So, I was gonna write a (hopefully humorous) post about being single and old and BAH HUMBUG VALENTINE"S DAY. I sat down with my yogurt and bagel and OJ (No diet Coke-that explains the headache-just a sec) Ah, much better! Wait! Mom is calling from KY-I'll be back!

OK, now to get to get me in the mood to write, I sat down and fired up the Google Reader, read LettersSpellLove and felt perspective creeping in. OK, so now I need funny to get that perspective monkey off my back~went to loraleeslooneytunes hoping to laugh~that girl is sooooo funny! and got hit with a perspective brick right in the face. Today she wrote about Redneck Mommy and the new man in her life. Her Family has adopted a wonderful 5 year old with special needs. Talk about a Valentine! To celebrate, the blogger world is throwing her a Redneck Shower. All we have to do is write about You know you're a redneck mommy when...so read the next post, please :)

and I will still write a BAH Humbug Valentine's Day post...as soon as I shower all this Redneck Love off me.

*GROSS!! you thought I was writing about VENEREAL DISEASE???
(hair toss/eye roll)....don't you think I would have told you if I had VD? Aren't we friends?? I tell you everything 'cause like...who's gonna know what I tell you here on my blog?. What secrets are you keeping from me?? It's like we hardly know each other. I have to go rethink our whole internet friendship now...excuse me while I go text my real friends...GAWD! WHATEVER!

Nekkid Chilluns and Dirt

2009-02-14T10:31:00.002-05:00

What do you get when you cross a Northern-Southerner/ Baptist churched/barefoot Ohio girl with a slightly uptight/Non-practicing Jew/ Boston born/shoes ALWAYS on guy and throw them deep in Florida on 2 1/2 acres and then give them Cracker babies????

16 and 15-the two best-if slightly confused-Cracker babies on the planet, that's what!
16 (to quote myself) walks the fine line between JAP and Southern Belle~what she can't get by eyelash batting and sweetness she gets by bitchin' and screamin'. She is all for Redneck Cracker fun-4 wheelers, horses, football on the front lawn-as long as there is no actual sweating involved.
15 is a dude's dude. Give him a motor, ball, stick, dog and/or gun (his new goal in life is to learn to shoot-my grandfather would be so ashamed that he hasn't killed a live creature at his age) and he is HAPPY!

Just how confused are these little babies ?
Favorite Sports Teams: Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Ohio State Buckeyes, Kentucky Wildcats.
Most hated Sports Team: Florida Gators
15's Top Three College wishlist: Ohio State, Boston College, University of Kentucky
16's Life Goal: To be a SOUTHERN EDUCATED LAWYER! OMG!!!

Their Uncle D was once told me he was afraid they would grow up to be Southerners and never wear any shoes-well, duh-but I did him one better and not only did they not wear shoes, they didn't wear clothes! I looked in my photos albums (ok, shoeboxes and drawers) and realized until we moved into "the city" my young'uns never wore clothes. All of my pictures are of nekkid chilluns! Nekkid in the dirt, nekkid eating popsicles, nekkid dancing in the rain. Nekkid, Nekkid, nekkid...How did these pictures get processed without a cop showing up at my door? All would have been explained, 'cause they would have greeted him...NEKKID!

And Dirty. My kids were always dirty. 15 Liked to suck on rocks until the dirt was gone and then spit them out. 16 liked mud. (WAIT!!! I just figured out how she is going to pay for law school: reminder: look up average pay for naked mud wrestlers) Give my two dirt, water and nekkid and all was right in the universe.

So, my redneck mommy moment comes when they were 2 and 3. They were nekkid, dirty and swinging on the swingset in our FRONT yard when a friend of ours stops by. He pulled up, said Hi to the kids, chatted with me, asked for Ex (then Current) and left when he wasn't home. Didn't mention or even notice that both my kids were NEKKID AND DIRTY ON A SWINGSET IN THE FRONT YARD!

That day, I made my redneck KIN PROUD! And I could hear the Boston Kin rolling in their graves...

You gotta pick your friends better

2009-02-08T21:47:00.006-05:00

Actual phone call during my actual working day...

Elementary School Media Center
this is Corporal X at 16's High School. I have pictures of her smoking pot from her MySpace page.
My daughter??? 16???
Yes ma'am. Other students identified her as 16. I just wanted to call you before I called her down.
Well, I don't think it is her. I see her everyday by 6 pm and I have never seen her high (and I would know what high looks like :) I pretty much know where she is everyday~she runs errands for her Dad after school for gas money~I am not naive but I am pretty sure she has never smoked pot and I know she doesn't have a MySpace page.
Well, the pictures are a little out of focus but we can see her peace sign necklace...
16 doesn't wear necklaces~hates them.
Well, I'll call you after I talk to her.
OK, but can I ask you to please be gentle. She will fall to pieces.
I am NOT going to hurt her!
I know, but she is very sensitive. She will be come very upset if she thinks you think she is doing something bad and cry when you question her, so just be ready.

10 minutes later...much pacing and a freaked out phone call to Ex...

Elementary School Media Center
(Hysterical sobbing in the background)
This is Corporal...honey it's OK. It was Not 16, it was her friend. Baby, it's gonna be OK. I don't know why she's so upset. As soon as she walked in the room I realized I know 16 and it was not her and I told her but...don't cry, it's ok...
I'll talk to her when she gets home
OK, don't cry 16...
CLICK

16 has been the brunt of two actions by this friend. Last week the same friend yelled F@%K You! to her ex-boyfriend's mother ~my next door neighbor~and the mom didn't see the friend, only 16. She yelled at 16, then she yelled at me! Now, I haven't been yelled at by a mom in a long time. Especially for something I didn't do! 16 and I had a chat after that and I know that will never happen again.

I am sorry kids, but what all moms say is true. You have to pick your friends carefully and you ARE judged by those friends and their actions. Is it fair, No. Is is it true~YES! 16 doesn't want to lose this friend and I understand that, but changes have to be made. This child has posted pictures of herself on the Internet doing something illegal. They will be there FOREVER. The thing that really bothered me was that whoever the person who identified 16 in the picture was actually thought she would do that. I tried to express that to 16, but she just swears all her real friends know she won't smoke pot and all those other people don't matter. Yes they do sugar plum fairy, yes they do...as will all the college admissions people, job recruiters, future spouses~anyone who tries to look up 16's friend will be able to find those pictures. Childhood and teenage rebellion has been forever changed by the Internet. THANK GOD is wasn't there when I was growing up...Thank God!

I don't understand

2009-02-08T10:55:00.004-05:00

I know God works. I know God works in His own way. I have seen it, I believe it.
But when this happens, I find it hard to understand.

I found this family through another blog. They took their baby girl to the Dr for repeated ear infections and come out of the office with a baby with cancer in Intensive care~within hours. Today, she died. Beginning to end, Thursday, Jan 23 to Sunday Feb 8.

Big ol' head, bright eyes, new teeth. Smiles and chubby and a brand new family, so in love, so loving. Such believers in God and His Miracles. Thanking Him for every good and asking for prayer protection against the bad. My heart was drug into their story by the fear, not the love or the faith. The fear that every parent has~PLEASE let this baby be OK. Let this family survive, let her live to grow up to give her parents moments of pride and grief and love and anger and joy and tears and all the things kids do. Let them yell at her for not cleaning her room and let them take her to her favorite restaurant for straight As. Let them hold her as she cries over that boy and smile through tears as she marries him. The fear that someday this could happen to my babies and It had to be OK. It Just has to be...

But my own tears prove that sometimes that fear cannot be overcome by prayer or hoping or wishing or screaming or crying. Sometimes things are out of our control. So as Little Cora is welcomed into God's loving arms, I grieve for her loss, I am grateful for her place in Heaven~but I still don't understand.

25 random things

2009-02-01T21:58:00.001-05:00

If you are not my Facebook Friend (why aren't you?) here are my 25 random things...

1. I love to read-books, magazines, cereal boxes, newspapers..love them all!
2. I have the two best kids on the planet
3. I have never been married
4. I once visited the Playboy Club in Chicago-underage :)
5. Everything about the game of baseball is good. I love Ohio State Football, Everblades Hockey, not a big basketball fan.
6. I think the sexiest part of a man's body are his arms and hands. I know I am supposed to say his brain, but seriously...biceps...forearms...hands...Seriously.
7. I am a proud Democrat-but a moderate one.
8. I speak to God all day long~but only do a "Dear Heavenly Father" prayer at bedtime~He hears me either way. I am a "trying my hardest everyday" Christian
9. I would like to take photographs of the sky-day and night. I try, but my camera never seems to capture what my heart and mind see when I look up.
10. I really do like to cuss~it's ^&*@ bad!!!!!
11. Fountain Diet Coke is my Starbucks but any Diet Coke will do! McDonald's French Fries are my favorite food (I have never met a potato I didn't like)
12. I have always had good friends, but I have deeper friendships as an adult than I had as a teenager. They sustain me in ways I hope they know because I never seem to express it.
13. I want to write so badly some days it actually stops my in my tracks. I don't think I have a novel, but I definitely think I could be a columnist or an essayist.
14. I am the world's worst procrastinator
15. I am the world's worst housekeeper but I do really good laundry.
16. While I appreciate speed in all it's forms, American Muscle cars are the best-GT, Barracuda, Charger, Challenger, Mustang, Camaro, Firebird, Chevelle, Road Runner and the BEST of all-any Corvette-from the beautiful yet crappy 53 till today. A new Corvette would be my first purchase after I win the Lottery. I have owned both a Nova and an Impala~the rumble of a big block, high horse power engine makes me tingly~talk Hemi and 442 to me, baby! Even my 1990 Camaro ROCKED!
17. If I had the money, I would never leave college. I hope someday to be Dr. Ashley.
18. My blog: driftingdiverence.blogspot.com
19. I want to travel the world someday-Ireland and New Zealand call to me.
20. I consider myself a Northern Southerner~I am a first generation Yankee (Buckeye). I walk the Mason Dixon line, but my soul is Southern. I wish I had been born in the Deep South and I intend to always make the South my home base. My heart lies in Eastern Kentucky
21. Water calms my soul. The Beach is one of God's greatest gifts. Lakes, creeks, ponds~all good. I love rain and thunderstorms.
22. I will always believe in the Good. Once I am hurt, it is hard for me to forget-I always forgive, but rarely forget. But everybody gets more than one chance-cause I always believe in the Good!
23. I LOVE SHOES!!! ...But I really don't like to wear them and I CANNOT drive with my shoes on.
24. I love dogs. I will probably end up an old "dog lady" like you see on TV, crying cause they are taking my 10 dogs away.
25. My three hopes for my children: work that fulfills them, children that give them they joy they give me everyday and a Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary with the love of their life.

14 is 15

2009-01-26T22:14:00.002-05:00

well, 14 is now 15. He is going to be such a good man-a great husband and father. His heart is so good and he is such a warm soul. I totally believe he will end up coaching baseball-he loves the game-not just the playing, but the game itself. I don't think 16 will have kids, but 15 will give me more than enough grandbabies! He will be the dad with the van or the truck, hauling kids and dogs and sports stuff, with a cooler full of juice and always room for one more. But first-he has to get his license~oh God, two teenage drivers in m y house~pray for me ya'll :)

Life in the "LibraryGirl" Lane

2009-01-19T13:15:00.004-05:00

So I was driving home from Ohio with a miserable case of the "WTF-a cold". My nose was running so bad that I had to stick a wadded up tissue up it to keep the grossness from dribbling down my face. I had lip gloss on my nostril because in two hours it got so red and irritated that it was bleeding. I was in a GREAT PLACE! So I got in the left lane and began to nurse a much deserved (IMHO) case of road rage. I called people names-screamed how much I hate EVERYONE in OH, KY and GA, I ranted against Detroit and Japan, with Germany and Great Britain thrown in for good measure-I even flipped off a person or two. My radio ADD was out of control because the mountains of GA have a lovely selection of old Country, new country, Bluegrass, and old tyme PREACHERS-all of which I normally like, but not in this mood! Even Nice Cold Fountain Diet Cokes and a large assortment of road food couldn't make me feel better. I drove 12 hours and stayed at a delightful little Motel 6 in Tifton, GA., slept like a dead person, got up in the am to fog so thick I couldn't see myself...Another great day! I stuffed more tissue up my nose, cranked my iPod (I forgot it in my snotty haze) and put the pedal to the metal. I sreamed at more stupid people, ranted about major highways having only 2 lanes, drank 6 or 8 Diet Cokes. Then my cold medicine kicked in and I began to lighten up-and take pictures of the beautiful scenery-while I was hurtling 85 mph on I-75. It was after my camera batteries died and I was bored with iPod tunes and I had crossed into the land of the WORLD'S WORST DRIVERS-Florida-that I came up with the LibraryGirl Lane (LGL) idea. (BTW-I suggest that Prez Obama put all kinds of people to work making EVERY major highway in America a minimumof 3 lanes-seriously)

THE PLAN
A lane (to be know as LGL) shall be placed down the middle of the median for MY personal use. I will allow a select few to join me there. You just have to follow a few rules...and pass a couple of tests.
1. All users of the LGL must pass an IQ test. Seriously...a simple IQ test.
EX Q1: What 2 numbers are on the white sign that says SPEED LIMIT?
EX Q2: What is the shiny object attached to your windshield?
2. All users of the LGL must pass a driving test.
EX Q1: Name the 2 pedals under your feet.
Only Acceptable answer: There are 2 pedals? I only know the one that makes the car go FASTER
EX Q2: Assuming you know what that shiny thing attached to your windshield is, what do you do when you see another vehicle in it?
Only Acceptable answer: Get the hell out of the way!
3. Any vehicle pulling ANYTHING will be banned from the LGL.
4. All RVs will be outfitted with a special sensor and if they pass the white line into the LGL...they will EXPLODE!!!
5. I will grant special privileges to a select few along the road who exhibit exemplary driving skills. Like the little Honda who impressed me with his ability to use an EMPTY RIGHT LANE to pass all the PITAs who had parked themselves in the left lane to go EXACTLY 70 mph!!!!!!!
I bow down to your skills, young LG Driver-in-training and welcome you to the LGL. Come on over, set the cruise on 85 and enjoy life with out dumb asses.

So if you think you can hang with LG, come take the tests. If you pass, you will get a special front license plate that says "LEAD FOLLOW or GET OUT of the WAY!" and a bumper sticker with your favorite cartoon character flipping off the guy behind you.

Swimming in snot

2009-01-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

Have lots of stuff to say, just too drugged up on cold medicine to say it...so..hope all has been well and I will tell you about the new "LibraryGirl" express lane on I-75 later :)

The Happiest of all Holidays

2008-12-24T19:32:00.003-05:00

We are on our way to Ohio~my niece is getting married! We are leaving the warmth of our Florida home to go to the warmth of many bro/sis homes. I bitch and moan about the cold, but I really never feel like it is Christmas until my nose is frozen and running and my fingers are numb and I see lights through snow.I get to see my Grandma, who is 88 and starting chemo on Tuesday~please God, I know you have been waiting to bring this angel home for a long time~she is an amazing woman~but can't we have her for a while longer?
So, we are packing up the little Cobalt and heading North. We are safe, warm, happy, not totally broke, growing, learning, living, loving...How could life be better...only if you are the same! May God bless you and keep you~just like He does me everyday~and have a great Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy You Day...JUST BE HAPPY! Life is too short for sadness, grief, sorrow, aggravation, abuse, misery, anger, resentment~bring on the JOY!!!

A Single Tear

2008-12-22T21:16:00.003-05:00

So it was the end of a really long day. I just wanted to go home and be annoyed by only two children instead of several hundred. As I was walking out the door, I noticed him sitting on the bench.
"Didn't your mom come yet?"
"No."
He is a handsome child, just 7. But you can tell he has been there, done that and will carry the heaviness of it for the rest of his life. Sweet-natured in spite of it all, loving, bright.
After much discussion and several phones calls to several non-working phone numbers, we decide it is very late-past dinner time by now- and the police have to be called.
I sat down next to him on the bench and pulled his slight frame over next to me. As I put my arm around him, the weight of what was coming next caused his head to drop and his shoulders to slump.
"Now, no one is in trouble, mom is probably just working late, but since we can't drive you home, we have to call the police."
He drew a deep breath and a single tear slid down his face and dropped on to my hand. It sent a ripple of anger, frustration, and fear through me-how could anybody hurt this amazing child beside me?
He never said a word. He put his head up, straightened his shoulders, gathered his stuff and went to stand by the door. When the police woman came to get him, he turned, gave me a small smile and waved the lollipop I had given him as a good bye. A second ripple shook me from head to toe~deep admiration for the little warrior as he walked out the door.

100 Things...

2008-11-27T22:39:00.003-05:00

Stole this from Tammi's World

Thought I'd reveal a little of my self to y'all~it seems I live life pretty well where I am. But all the traveling ones...those are my life's dreams. Every single place listed is someplace I would like to visit.

What's even better~the stuff I have done not on this list ;)

Things I've Done - bolded.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band-played with a boy in band..oh, not the same

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower - I love them-I lay in the backyard and watch

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland-Disney World, not Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain-only the ones in KY

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped -used to want to but I'm too old now :)

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea -

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - lots

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - well, yeah

24. Built a snow fort -

25. Held a lamb -

26. Gone skinny dipping-half count?

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors -

35. Seen an Amish community -

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - .

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person -

39. Gone rock climbing - not in this lifetime...I like living!

40. Seen Michelangelos David

41. Sung karaoke -

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight -LOVE IT

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling -

52. Kissed in the rain-another thing I love

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater-oh the stories I could tell...snicker, snicker

55. Been in a movie - does it count if I dated the cousin of the guy who gets beat up in Porky's?

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business - for a week!

58. Taken a martial arts class.

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving -wanted to, got too old..blah, blah...

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp-this one really speaks to my ehart and I want to someday-for my children.

67. Bounced a check -today, no...but there's always tomorrow

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy - still have it

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone -stupid, stupid

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle -oh yeah...Jeff, how are you:)

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible .

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone's life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone -

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

It was only a dream...

2008-11-25T22:00:00.005-05:00

I have written about the way that I dream. Very Vividly, I can direct a dream like a movie. But I had one the other night that was so real...I want to keep having it...I want to finish it...but I can't bring it back.

In my dream I was working. I don't really know where, just at a job. And there was a man. Tall, my age, nicely built , dressed in a pair of "work slacks" and a dress shirt. Tie loose, sleeves rolled up. Nice disposition, smelled good, clean cut. But here's the real bitch of it all...I never saw his face.

So I go along having the dream. Just working, hanging out with people, getting to know "the guy". Here's where it gets strange. At one point, I get a phone call. "The guy" leans across my desk to answer the phone because caller ID says it is my ex and he wants to yank his chain for me. As I reach across to stop him, I duck under his arm and put my hand on his back...and I felt him. Not dream felt, actually touched him-put my hand on a real back, touched a real shirt and felt it in my whole body. It was like a shock. I woke up then and all I could think was "I have to go back to sleep. I have to find this man!" It was love at first touch-in a dream. But try as I might, I can't seem to have the same dream and I can't conjure him up again.

As I write this, I feel a little grief stricken. Like I have lost something. But I never had it~he isn't real, I don't know who he is~I never saw his face. It is one of the strangest experiences I have ever had. But I tell you~I would know this man if I met him. I have touched him~and been touched by him in a way I don't understand. How can you mourn the loss of something you never had? But I do. I want this...feeling...to be resolved. So tonight,I sleep, perchance to dream. To maybe meet and touch the someone out there who is on the other side of that dream. Who is waiting for the woman who touched him to find him~in the daylight~with eyes wide open.

Holy Sh** is right!

2008-11-17T19:48:00.002-05:00

Guess what???
16 is DRIVING~has a license and a car and a job! OMG!! I am freaking right out!
She is a great kid, but still. How is she 16? She was a baby yesterday...they don't traditionally give car keys to an infant, do they?
When I called her dad (even tho he knew all about this, he gave her the car for crying out loud!), he paused and then said "Holy Sh**". When I asked him if he got that little heart flip thing, he said yes and I could tell he was a little verklempt. It was Fab!
So, I have a kid behind the wheel-watch out world, here she comes :)

Trying to win cool stuff

2008-11-11T19:45:00.003-05:00

I am posting this so you all will go over and look at the really cool stuff at Glitzy Glass . I am trying to win a fab star because 1. I love glass things 2. I Love handmade stuff and 3. I love free stuff! I win all the way around!

I WON!!! I cannot wait to see what Glitzy Glass Stars sends me. I am giong to keep it and not even give it to anyone for Christmas. I am selfish like that!

ENOUGH ALREADY

2008-11-10T21:52:00.005-05:00

The election is over. Barack Hussein (look-I wrote it down and Homeland Security didn't take me away-yet) Obama WON IT. Let's all get over it now. Let's act like Americans and get it together---what am I thinking? Americans work together?? Why the tirade for the normally mild mannered LibraryGirl???? I'll tell you why...
I am a Born Again Christian Democrat-yeah, I know...weird, huh. I have never been embarrassed or ashamed to be a Born Again Christian Democrat. I try not to talk politics/religion/baseball/college football because I can get a little, well, passionate, about what I believe in. So while I have never been ashamed to be a Born Again Christian Democrat, today I was a little ashamed to be American and ashamed to be human.
I walked into the middle of yet another talk about how this "man" is not only going to ruin this country, but is also the Anti-Christ and will probably-and should probably be- assassinated shortly. **Profanity ALERT** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? Why would we wish such tragedy on not only our country, but on a man who is a husband and father to two young children? Are white Americans really so shallow and insecure as to believe that a man of color cannot run this country? That only Old White guys are qualified? Well, I have news for ya'll-the white dudes ain't doing so well right about now. The Old White Guys have pretty much run the whole ship aground and then sat and looked at each other and began to scream HELP-THROW MONEY while the rest of us put on our big girl panties and began to swim.

President Elect Obama is not going to turn this country into a terrorist haven full of turban wearing Satan worshipers requiring we all turn East to pray five times a day. We will not be over run by watermelon and fried chicken-the man was raised in Jakarta and Hawaii for crying out loud, people-it will be Padang Food Nasi Ikan and Spam. We will not turn into a Socialist state, though at this juncture in our history, I could be convinced to be a Socialist. Because soon, I too could be waiting at the Welfare office with the presidents of banks and mortgage companies asking for a bailout. I could have no health insurance, no job, no home. You see, I am one of the one-paycheck-from-homeless people you hear about..even though I have a job in Public Education, it is not secure -it has been threatened several times this year alone. I have rent, a car payment, two teenagers, and the basics to worry about. I have no credit cards-don't pay retail for anything-don't vacation-work two jobs and as many of the off school and summer vacation days as I can. I still bounce checks some months because my ends don't meet in the middle and even with health insurance I can't see a family doctor or dentist or eye doctor. I rob Peter to pay Paul and then mug Paul so Peter won't have my kneecaps broken.

So forgive me for rejecting the old and welcoming the new. Forgive me for not wishing death on the new President. Forgive me for being a born again Christian Democrat Working American Human. On second thought, don't forgive me. Just do me a favor. While you are exercising your Constitutionally guaranteed right to free speech, stop wishing harm to a man whose only "crime" is that he is was elected by a MAJORITY of voters to be President of the United States. When I pray tonight-and I do every night-I will pray my regular prayer of protection for my family, friends, enemies, country, and world. I will throw a special one up for President Elect Obama. I will pray that he be protected from the very people he will spend the next four years trying to help. And I will pray that God protect us from ourselves.

Procrastination

2008-11-01T23:43:00.001-04:00

Wanna feel stupid? Try this
Where's the gap in your knowledge?
Seriously, I know a lot of stuff, but clearly not enough. Like how to get back to WRITING THE NOVEL.

Good Night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite...

Personality test

2008-10-28T19:17:00.001-04:00

I took a test on 41q. Here is my personality profile...

Your personality type:

Enthusiastic, idealistic and creative. Able to do almost anything that interests them. Great people skills. Need to live life in accordance with their inner values. Excited by new ideas, but bored with details. Open-minded and flexible, with a broad range of interests and abilities.

Careers that could fit you includes:

Actors, journalists, writers, musicians, painters, consultants, psychologists, psychiatrists, entrepreneurs, teachers, counselors, politicians, diplomats, television reporters, marketers, scientists, sales representatives, artists, clergy, public relations, social scientists, social workers.

well, yeah....

Really busy...

2008-10-19T23:52:00.004-04:00

OK, so I haven't written lately...Sorry! I have been busy hanging with my kids and friends and playing on Facebook! What am I -13???
Anyway! I probably won't be writing much for the next month or so. I am writing my first novel~quit laughing, you heard me~Notice the badge to the left? I am planning to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November in support of National Novel Writing Month

So wish me luck, don't miss me too much, drop a comment on this post and I'll try to let you know how it is going.

you want to know the title??
"Cleaning the Toilet Wearing a Tiara"
It the first book in my 6 part trilogy
...don't ask :)

It Happened...Oh So Sweet 16

2008-10-11T14:16:00.005-04:00

15 is now 16
Daddy bought her a car
One Life begins
and another ends....

For one of us
the Road is Long
For the other
getting shorter everyday

Thanks for being the best traveling companion a Mom ever had!

Happy Birthday Pearl Monster
Be Safe Be Happy Be You
Love Mom, Maxiwelly Moo Moo and Fat Dog

Check out Scribbit

2008-10-03T16:56:00.001-04:00

I have posted to the October Write Away Contest at http://scribbit.blogspot.com/
The topic is ghosts and I posted this
Thanks!!!

Totally Full and Yet Half Empty

2008-09-11T23:02:00.006-04:00

Tonite 14 and I were working the volleyball concession stand at 15's High School game. I have been able to send him to private school (the right move for him~his sister has NO interest in his school) and people from his middle school kept coming by to say hi. He hasn't seen these kids in 2 years, but they remember him fondly and were genuinely glad to see him. I am just so constantly amazed with the blessing that are my children. They are intelligent, attractive, really good people and I love them in ways I never really knew you could love someone.

So...as we were working and chatting, 14 asked if I ever reflected back on when they were younger. Of course, I said, we talk about stuff we have done all the time. No, he wanted to know if memories just sort of snuck up. If he only knew...

I can remember every moment of each birth, even though I had an needle in my back and morphine in my veins. I have the smell and feel of those little bodies imbedded in my senses. I can still feel the tug on my breast as they drew life from me the way I drew life from them. I feel the recliner under my back as I held both of them in the middle of the night and we ended up sleeping in the chair because it is impossible to get up with a 15 month old and a newborn. I lament every hour of sleep I lost as a newborn 14 slept in hour long spurts and we sat in the laundry room while the washing machine ran and I sang "I Can't Help Falling in Love With You" for the 10,000,000 time and meant it every single time. My heart breaks again as I think about 15 having to have blood drawn when she was 3 months old (it was just a cold!) and I could hear her screaming and I looked around the corner. She looked me square in the eye and I could hear her say "How can you let them do this to me?" and I had no answer and they wouldn't let me hold her. I have held them through a broken collarbone, jaw, arm, fingers, a couple of head wounds, bloody lips, a busted eardrum and a million scrapped knees, elbows, noses, bruises from baseballs, bikes, and one really good punch to mouth that knocked out 15's first tooth. I have cried at everyone of those emergency room visits, physical exams, and each and every shot they ever had.

I have screamed, whooped and cheered at 100's of musicals, baseball~basketball~volleyball~lacrosse games, band performances, tennis matches and gymnastic meets. I thought my heart would burst when I saw 14 hit his first pitched ball at 22 months, and 15 take the field for the first time in full gear to play lacrosse on the same team as the boys. Years of travel baseball and volleyball league have spent my time, yet filled my photo album with amazing pictures of healthy young bodies engaged in sports that built their stamina and characters.

I have hoarded these memories and more like a squirrel in the winter or a miser with his gold, for you see, as full as my glass is right now (oh and trust me, my life is VERY FULL right now) I know there is a small hole in the bottom of the glass. Their time with me is dribbling out and I can't locate the hole and patch it up. Every time I think about it, I feel the hole getting bigger. And that is really hard because I think every single day about them leaving me. I watch them teach each other now, instead of me. 14 helps 15 with Geometry and Algebra and she gave up her Sunday evening to read The Odyssey out loud to him and make sure he understands it for his test~both without being asked! They turn to each other for advice instead of me. Soon 15 will be 16 and begin the thing that will ultimately give her the ability to leave me~DRIVING! They will go to college, get married, make me a grandma and make me proud.

But tonight, when I tucked them in and kissed them goodnight, I leaned over and yes~ for just a tiny moment~a memory snuck up on me. I felt little hands and wet kisses and snuggley jammies and heard Good Night Moon and smelled Johnson's Baby Shampoo. I pulled favorite blankies up and placed well worn sleeping friends and turned on night lights. And I grabbed that split second and shoved it in the glass and hoped that this would be the one that plugged the hole up.

A Thought

2008-09-01T19:33:00.003-04:00

I received an ARC (Advanced Readers Copy) of a book from a publisher the other day. I don't remember signing up with this particular publisher, but I am always happy to get free books! The title of this book is "This I Believe II". It is based on a NPR series that comes from Edward R. Murrow spots in the '50's. It is a collection of essays of about 500 words and they are about the way people, well, believe. It is already interesting reading and look for my own essay here soon. Until then...A quote...

Indian philosopher-poet Shantideva:
All the joy the world contains
Has come through wishing happiness for others
All the misery the world contains
Has come from wanting pleasure for oneself.

I'm Just Saying....

The way my life seems to be going

2008-08-26T18:05:00.002-04:00

Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe how much more of a drama I could make that. I hope they bring chocolate!.

I am hopped up on caffeine with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a biatch to the bodyguards of the blogger I am stalking, my day seems to involve the authorities from when the nightclubs close to I run out of alcohol. I am avoiding recapture. but this damned rock is heavy.

I won't promise anything to you but I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. You wanna test me? Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.

OK, so I didn't write this. I love generators~mostly because they use really cools words and stuff put together in ways I can never seem to make them. I really like Holy Snapping Duck Do! I am going to try to use that phrase at least once a day!
The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator

I feel ya, girlfriend!

2008-08-25T21:40:00.003-04:00

Just call me by my gansta name...

2008-08-11T22:35:00.003-04:00

DIZZEE BLING
Diz would be OK, too...but only if we are tight

Sometimes I go by my DJ name
FUNK-MIXER WIZZ

and when times are bad and I gotta score a few bucks, I work as a clown
Pogo Helium Cracker

Back when I was the lead singer/triangle player/scarf wrangler for the bluegrass~punk~orchestral~interpretive dance group KAMIKAZE LOVE SOCIETY, I was known as 'Barters with Hand' of the Scrappawank Tribe ~I was also getting back to my Native American roots (yes, I have one Native American ancestor and it was the 70's)

Of course, due to irrational bouts of stage fright, I could only sing after a few rounds of

Screwed Lunatic

1 oz Blackberry Liqueur

1/2 oz Triple Sec

1 oz Mello Yello

Serve in a Margarita/coupette glass. Add a lime wedge

Now that I am older, I do what most middle aged people do~I bought a Hog and I ride with my brothers and sisters The Handlesburg Banana Seat Eagles. Give us wide berth when we are cruising through your town~Ignore the Tommy Hilfiger Biker gear-we are tough~we can sue you, correct your grammar and give you a face lift all while doing your taxes. Them Hells Angels ain't got nothing on us!

well, it's late. I am going to take the little pill my doctor gave me and catch some zzzzs between trips to the bathroom and getting up to turn down the AC. I need to rest up for the matinee at the dog track tomorrow. Really, tho, the meds don't seem to be working. I haven't noticed any real change. What do you think....should I get a second opinion?

Flingify

(for Gassoflabasia )

Potential side effects: gas, hot flashes, and gambling.

Name Pistol
Generator Land

Brothers and sisters

2008-08-10T20:49:00.004-04:00

I am the oldest of 4 kids (2 girls, 2 boys, in that order)~less than 5 years separates us all. We love each other like crazy, but we fought each other as strongly as we loved. We would sometimes draw sides for fights. "OK, today its you and me against him and her...and...go!" And I am talking fist fights here, not just screaming and yelling. But we also had a strict Do Not Touch My Sibling policy where other people are concerned. One time, my youngest brother got the snot kicked out of him by 4 guys (with a wiffle ball bat-broke his nose-long story). My next to youngest brother went back to the party and single-handedly whupped all 4 of them, because how dare they touch his brother (he was the only one allowed to kick his ass). We are still like that today~in theory cuz I ain't fist fighting no one~I am too damned old~I might break a hip!

I tell all that because I am watching the dynamic between 14 and 15. 15 has tortured 14 since the day of his birth. She to this day cannot walk past him with out a slap, pinch, poke or tickle. He has always been the passive one in the relationship. He ignores her or screams at her or runs to Mom or Dad, or retaliates in some form but never to her level. She has been informed that one day soon, he will give her what she deserves for all the years of torment and I won't stop him. I can say that because I truly believe he will never hit her. He is a kind soul, while she is Vlad the Impaler reincarnated. Despite it all they are very close and protective. I can't imagine them not being close for their entire lives.

15 is very cute and very well endowed. It is a family trait :). She has a very quick wit and has no problem taking care of herself. Today at the pool, 15 went off the high dive and 2 "dudes" in line behind 14 go "Man, that girl has enormous tits". 14 turned around, poked one on the shoulder and said "Dude, that is my sister." All ready to go if it came to that. Now, 14 is not tall and has a baby face but he is already the size of a lineman for a Division II football team. The guys instantly apologized.

I saw the look on his face as he told the story. He was HOT UNDER THE COLLAR. I have no doubt that if those guys had smarted off to him, blood would have been let. If 15 had heard them, she would have taken care of it herself. But it is good to know that she has a brother to protect her~even if she doesn't want to be protected!

Gold in the Street

2008-08-10T20:22:00.004-04:00

I have this very frequently recurring dream. I am always finding gold in the streets. Not coins, or bars, but lost jewelry. Single earrings, broken chains, charms with no necklaces. I have never been able to figure it out. Obviously I am searching, I once thought it was about money, but I keep finding small things of value people over look because it is broken or lost....

Broken
Lost
Discarded

Always finding the small insignificant things
Alone they are nothing
Together they hold value

Boo-Boo
Tears
Bruises

A story told
A child rescued
Never to be beaten again

Co worker
Compliment
Warmth

A lonely person
A connection made
Life is to be lived after all

Look
Smile
Conversation

Who needs the Internet?
A few words, plans made
A heart begins to unfold

Recognition
Respect
Love

Want it~Need it
Always searching for it
Look inside~it's already there

weekend wordsmith

Regrets....

2008-08-04T20:34:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine is out of town visiting another friend. In a tequila fueled text messaging exchange (I will spare you the crab infested bartender who can't count as well other non PG rated stuff :) , this came up: Regret sucks! While I had to agree, I also started to think about whether I had any regrets. I do try to live my life so I don't have any regrets. I have made mistakes~who hasn't? But regrets...I decided I had very many should haves/should have nots~but only one regret.

Should have:
~always sent holiday cards
~called my Grandma more often just to talk
~kept in better contact with my siblings
~never gained all this weight
~never lost touch with my high school friends
~always changed the oil every 3000 miles ( and rotated the tires)
~bought a house
~never have ruined my credit
~been dating years ago when someone might have been remotely interested
~told someone about the man next door
~borrowed a lot less money from my parents
~finished my Bachelor Degree as soon as I finished my Associates
~been finished with my Master's Degree
~saved money for my kid's college
~not given up so easily (money wise) when Ex left

All of these things are just moments in my life I screwed up. I still have the time to fix most of them, and I can live with the ones I can't. They are not regrets. I will not think about a single one of them on the day I die...

My one regret ~the one that will forever hurt me, that causes the tears I try never to cry any more to fall right now and the one I can never fix~
I have never shared the same last name as my children.

Don't Touch

2008-08-02T11:44:00.004-04:00

weekendwordsmith

She reached out. Then pulled back. Over and over. Never quite touching.
But never quite Not touching

Like the warning "It's Hot~It will burn" never quite got to her heart.

Oh, her brain heard, her soul heard, even her friends heard

But not her stupid heart. It just kept hearing "Go ahead, touch. Maybe it will be different this time. How bad can it hurt? "

Well,the answer to that question is "BADLY" And guess what...it hurts more every time you touch. As much as her heart wanted it to hurt less each time, it only hurt more. Despite the scar tissue from repeated burning, it just hurt more.

So, is it lesson finally learned? Or will she fall for the touch one more time?

Time out for a BITE

2008-07-29T21:19:00.002-04:00

Gotta go!!! It's SHARK WEEK!!!!!!! Why aren't you people watching??? Go~Git~
You might miss the coolest thing I ever saw....people actually getting bit~live~on film (or video...whatever!!) Twisted, I know, but they survived and live to to tell the tale. They also almost universally recognized they got bit for being in the shark's space, not the other way around. DUH
OOO Mike from Dirty Jobs is on catching sharks in Greenland....
CYA!!!!!!!

Just for Giggles

2008-07-28T00:30:00.003-04:00

So, I put the Feedjit thing on my sidebar to see where both of my loyal readers are coming from. Turns out most are coming from Google because they search some combination of hot, boys and speedos. The reason is this. Is it wrong that I find this misdirection f'ing hysterical? I am getting my rocks off about interupting the one handed touch typing of freaks and pedophiles all over the world. So tonight, if you come here looking for hot boys in little speedos, penis in hand, fired up, ready to go...you only get me, a short round middle aged librarian in jammies older than her children. So sorry, dude, put it away and pay for a porn site like most pervs...Unless the middle aged librarian in 15 year old jammies thing does it for you, then contact me and we can chat~slowly~cause I know you are only used to typing with the one hand...

Calmed by the winds

2008-07-26T15:55:00.003-04:00

I have kind of a sixth sense about rain and storms. Not like a trick knee or an arthritic hip (not yet anyway) or anything, just a general knowledge of what is coming and how close it is going to be. My Grandpa told me once you can tell if rain is a comin' when the leaves on the trees show their underside. I still look to the treees when the wind picks up. I remember a house I lived in when I was 5 that had a giant picture window and I would sit on the back of the coach and watch it rain. This was in "tornado country" but I was never afraid. And despite living in "Hurricane/Lightening Country" now, I am still calmed, not agitated, by storms. Even during the last Big One, when my house was breathing like a living part of the storm, I had to sit in my window and watch. It was awe inspiring.

The rumble starts long before I hear it
Low below my consciousness
I can feel the calm approaching

The serenity of a thunderstorm
Powerful gathering clouds
Strong wind blown rain

The heart of Mother Nature
beating from her breast to my roof
Like a child held in her mother's arms

Settling me into her peace
I nap wrapped in her safety
while she nurses the Earth

Like her other children
I awake refreshed after nourishment
Stronger for all she has given me

Point of View

2008-07-25T22:34:00.003-04:00

weekend wordsmith

Striped scarf lady:
I always knew you would end up just like your father.

Hoodie Girl:
I hope the bus gets here soon. I am so breaking up with him on my blog tonight!

Red Jacket Guy:
Dude, the only person who EVER looked cool doing the Hand Jive on the floor was Kenickie. For God's sake, get up!!

Bald Guy:
I hope this posts to YouTube OK. The kitten under blanket is killing my rating.

Man on Ground:
Swallowed my Tic Tac....Must not go toward the light...

No, Seriously, the House was Haunted

2008-07-18T22:16:00.004-04:00

sundayscribblings.blogspot.com

I grew up in a haunted house. REALLY. I mean it. Spooky, creepy, weird things happened there the entire time I lived there and beyond. When we first moved in, a man's voice (no men living there at the time) came from behind my Mom in the dark basement and said "Get out." When she turned the light on, no one there. Mom heard a crying girl child often, and it was never one of us. Things moved and disappeared all the time. Once, when I was alone in the house and was waiting for my Dad to pick me up, I was sitting in the living room. As I watched, all the pictures in the room began to watch me. Eyes moved, smiles became (for lack of a better word) satanical. The frames began to move across the table they were sitting on. It makes my pulse quicken even 30 years later. By the time my Dad got there, I was hysterical. The night my aunt died, all the clocks in the house stopped at the time of her death. Some day I will get my brother to tell about his experience one night (as an adult living in the house) with the black cat and the man in the black hat...

But the most "haunted" part of the house was the upstairs bedroom shared by me and my sister. "Someone" walked up and down the stairs at all hours of the day and night. The door to the stairwell opened and closed constantly all on its own. Lights turned off and on, voices called, things disappeared and turned up there....all kinds of creepy, scary but really harmless stuff from the "other side".

I lived in the house from ages 10-19, then moved to Florida. The phenomena still occurred after I left and even upon my return for visits. One day, maybe 5 years or so after I had left, the Ghost and I had a showdown. I had never really felt threatened in the house as a child, but as an adult, the bedroom became more sinister. My parents had renovated the room, moving closets and such, and I had a feeling Ghost was not amused~but I seemed to be the only one to notice. I was OK during the day, or to be up there to watch TV after dark, but it got to the point that I would sleep in the basement or my brother's old bed because I could feel the classic "something's under the bed" creepies. One afternoon, as I sat alone in the house reading the paper in the kitchen, the door began to open. I pretended to ignore it, just watching out of the corner of my eye. It closed a little hard. Opened further, stayed open for a minute or so, then slowly creaked closed. Someone wanted my attention and this went on for several minutes. Finally I closed the paper, turned to the door and said, "Do you want to discuss this?" The door opened wide and stayed opened. "Fine. I have been dealing with you for a while now and I am kind of over it. I don't like being scared, and I don't think you have ever meant us any harm, but lately you are a little creepy. So I have decided I am not going to be afraid of you." The door moved a little, like it was making up its mind. Then it slammed hard enough to rattle the windows. I jumped, but kept my cool, opened the paper and started to read again, but still watching. The door opened wide. It stayed that way for several minutes, then slowly, quietly, it closed. "Thank you, my friend.", I said. I never saw the door open again.

Before you go all skeptic on me, I will tell you that the door latched firmly. It moved all times of the year, so it can't be blamed on the furnace and we didn't have central air. It happened with windows opened and windows closed. It happened with old crank out casement windows and brand new tight fitting storm windows. It happened day and night. So, believe what you want, but I know, for a fact, that my house was haunted.

Sacred Space

2008-07-13T13:30:00.001-04:00

This sounds amazing. I am by nature a really bad housekeeper and a pack rat (I blame all the moving we did as kids and a wrenching bankruptcy from my childhood, but the truth is I would just rather do other stuff...) but the idea of a small space, just for me to sit and think and meditate with no kids, dogs, computers, phones, books, clutter~just carefully chosen quiet things~is something I feel I really need to do.

A little girl time

2008-07-12T20:49:00.002-04:00

14 has gone to the Keys this weekend to fish with a friend ~sending him to private school is paying off in free trips this summer :) 15 and I spent a pleasant afternoon shopping and then decided to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner. We had such a great time! First, dinner was free thank to my friend K who sent me a gift cert for helping her open her new library. So I got to have one of my favs~COUNTRY HAM!!!!! I can eat country ham until my lips pucker from the salt and my head is spinning from my elevated blood pressure. After dinner we had to buy lots of old time candy. 15 made my night by finding ZOTZ only the best candy EVER! After much laughing and acting stupid-you know, the usual-we pay up and go out to the car. We are splitting the candy~a rock candy swizzle stick for each of us, 5 hard candy sticks each, all the Zotz for me, and 15 keeps the whole bag of Cow Tails to herself! I told her I felt violated by the double cross. She laughs and says, "Yea, it's like when a real jerky guy is really good looking. You still want him cause he's hot, but you feel violated by his jerkiness." How did that girl get so smart?

Weeds

2008-07-12T00:01:00.002-04:00

At first, I see only the bad
Chickweed in the collards, if you will
But then I look closely
and see a bit of beauty still

In the midst of all the turmoil
the ugly, the useless, the weeds
a little spark of something peeks
reminding me of the fertile seeds

So I hike up my thoughts and kneel down
pulling from our ground all those nasty things
starting over, smoothing our dirt
preparing our bed for Spring

When all the anger and hurt are bygones
the new life has room to grow
Stronger, better, protected from the Winter
Able to withstand the inevitable cold and snow

A List to get the fingers limber

2008-07-10T21:18:00.003-04:00

1. My new favorite~Van Morrison. "Into the Mystic" is genius!
2. Secret celebrity crushes: Jeff Goldblum, Lenny Kravitz, Corbin Bleu and Mark McGuire (OK, that one is not a secret among my friends...)
3. I need to live near the water. Even if I don't go to the beach enough, just knowing I can get there in 15 minutes calms my Pisces soul.
4. If I could be any movie character ever, I would be Annie from Bull Durham. She taught, wrote, had deep thoughts, lived for baseball and ultimately got the guy who understood her better than she understood herself~and loved her all the more for it.
5. I cherish my adult friendships more than those of my youth. I have manged to assemble the best group of people in my life. We don't spend a lot of time stroking each others egos, we really don't spend a lot of time in each others presence, but all I have to do is pick up a phone or drop an e-mail and it is like no time has passed at all. These people are awesome and I try to remember to let them know it as often as possible.
6. I love slang and cussing, but when I get really angry, I use all these really big words. My kids are used to it, but the 5 year old and the limited English kids at my school look at me like I am crazy..."what is this woman saying? Is she mad or is she even talking to me? She's nuts!"
7. I am addicted to a computer game called "Rebound Infinity" I spend hours shooting a little ball at spinning things.
8. 14 and I play the Ohio State Fight Song (Buckeye Battle Cry) to get fired up for stuff.
Well, enough psychological insight for tonight. Rico is waiting (the little green guy in my game, not a hot guy...dang, my life sucks!)

The power of words

2008-07-10T21:01:00.003-04:00

Well, I gonna try again! I could lie and tell you I have been busy or nothing good happened or I had nothing to say, but the truth is I let someone I barely know take the wind out of my "writing sails". A person I had a brief moment with simply said that my writing had changed since I started using some of the prompt sites to jump start my writing. I was horrified! I took that to mean in a bad way and just stopped!!! I never bothered to ask if it was good, bad or indifferent~my totally lack of confidence in my ability took that as a total rejection and I crawled under a rock and licked my wounds (can I manage one more cliche) then I decided to put on my big girl panties (YES I can!!) and go back to it. I will never know what he meant, but I know I have to write so I am going to give it another shot. Some stuff will be real life, some observations, some fiction, but all of it will be me~and that's all I can do.

A Guy's First Love by 14

2008-05-03T20:28:00.003-04:00

14 had to write a Shakespearean sonnet. Man, did he do a great job!!

Green grass becomes the focus of my heart

Orange dirt grinding into my cleats

White straight lines make the field a work of art

Yellow sun freckles any skin it meets

Food and baseball make a double feature

Inhale the smell of popcorn and leather

Family settles into the bleacher

Fans to the end no matter the weather

Calm on the outside my pulse races swift

My passion can just barely be contained

A pop fly to first, the catch is a gift

Delight surges from my body unrestrained

My heart pounds every time I touch a glove

Baseball is my all Baseball is my love

Daddy's Girl

2008-04-16T21:29:00.003-04:00

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/touching, visible, stage

She stood in the middle of the stage
Touching the edge of her tutu
Visible tremor in her lower lip
Looking for her Daddy

She stopped at the sign
Touching the brake pedal
Visible panic in her eyes
Looking at her Daddy

She walked across the stage
Touching her new diploma
Visible sign of relief on her face
Looking for her future

She danced with her new husband
Touching her Daddy's heart
Visible tear in his eye
Looking at his girl

She smiled from the hospital bed
Touching the tiny fingers
Visible smile shared with her Daddy
Looking at herself

A firebird, an x-rated movie theatre and Rocky Horror

2008-04-09T23:48:00.004-04:00

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/ funny, remember, theater

"So let's go!"
"Seriously?"
"Yes! These guys may never ask again, ya know!"
"OK, I'm Game!"
Do you remember the Firebird? I do. We were so very cool. Even among the "rich kids" at our school, we had the best car-thanks to your mom and GM. We did so many things in that car...Remember. Every Friday night football game pre-party, the Buns Strip Club with only male dancers (wait, we were in the 'Vette then), the Spring Break trip to Florida when the luggage wouldn't fit so we emptied the clothes in the trunk, packed 4 teenage girls and a big brother in the car with a half gallon of Jack Daniels, cranked the 8 track with Van Halen, Rolling Stones and Christopher Cross and drove all night. Getting pulled over ~underage and stocked for New Years Eve~ throwing it all out the window only to be lectured by the clueless cop about not having your lights on at dusk. It was all so FUNNY! But my favorite memory of that car had to be the first time we went to see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"
Remember how we followed Ed and Kevin and Billy down to the X-rated movie theater and we were passing the beer back and forth between the cars going 45 miles an hour down the road. We went into the theater with all the stuff...toilet paper and toast and cards and water...and we thought we were so cool. Remember how the floor was sticky and the show hadn't even started yet...EEEWWWWWW!!! All the posters in the lobby for the films that were showing and we're trying to be mature but they were so funny with the semi naked women and the stupid movie names. Then we laughed till we cried at all the freaks dressed up like...what?? Who knew. Then the lights went down and the show came on and we had the best time! A bunch of 17 year old girls at an X-rated movie theater with really cute older guys doing "The Time Warp"! Transexuals and sticky floors and wet clothes and cute guys and a new Firebird-what more could a girl have wanted in 1979? Remember?

What do you mean, she's never read Jane Austen?

2008-03-16T11:32:00.005-04:00

Thanks again to weekend wordsmith

"She's never read any Jane Austen?"

"NONE! Not Pride and Prejudice even"

"But she's such a pseudo-romantic~well, she loves those sleazy romance novels, you know the ones with hot men and heaving bosoms on the covers. Aren't they sort of a lower class Jane Austen?"

"Yeah and all those rolling Irish/English countryside novels...the really thick ones with lots of characters and at least one rich-grumpy yet loving dowager matriarch."

"And her movies... You've got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle and Two Weeks Notice and Notting Hill. "I'm also just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." Gross."

"BUT she's a middle aged, going gray, round, eye-glass wearing, still single librarian for God's sake! Don't they have to read Jane Austen to be allowed to check out books?"

"I know, but I'm telling you~she's never read Jane Austen!"

Sticks and Stones, B**ch!

2008-03-07T20:08:00.009-05:00

**Thanks to Weekend Wordsmith
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" How many times had she heard Mama remind her of that little bit of playground wisdom? How many times had she spoken or thought those words? Plenty! Growing up poor, smart, wearing glasses ...she had been called lots of things. But she never let them bother her. She had lots of self esteem and knew exactly who she was and where she was going. Until the day when she was 11 and the slimy dad next door noticed she had boobs. Then the world turned upside down and nothing was the same. She was still confident on the outside, still smart, but she began to doubt herself just a little bit. Withdrew just a little bit. Stop trying so hard just a little bit. Not so much as anyone would notice~but she knew. When she hit her teens, she began to notice that the kinds of boys who were drawn to her were the "dangerous" ones. She really deep down preferred the neat, tidy chess club~math club~debate team boys but the only ones who bothered were the "stoners". So to satisfy that little missing piece she now had, she glommed onto every tattooed, wanna-be biker within a stone's throw of the place and put up with the shit. The digs, the slurs. "Damn your hair is nappy-you sure you ain't part black?" from the skinhead. "You cain't tell me you forgot cigarettes again, you stupid bitch." from the carny guy who ran the merry-go-round at the park. This pattern continued through college, where frat boys were her self destructive weapon of choice. When one of them would start a drunken tirade, she would just think, "Sticks and Stones, Sticks and Stones" just like Mama taught her.

When she married, she thought she had found the mythological "Mr. Right". He was the "math geek" of her dreams. He was not hunky, but he was brilliant! He had invented some piece of medical equipment and it gave him the money to follow his passions. He gave her a great life. They had rich friends, a nice home, fun vacations. They talked about the past and how her own deficiencies had caused her to choose poorly and wasn't it great he had found her to pull her up and set her right. So he was a little uptight-after all the chaos of her younger life, the control he possessed was like being rescued from the Titanic. And for a while it was good. He designed computer games, then taught High School Math. After each experience, he would say "That's not really me. I need to do something else. I need to find "the THING". She completely understood~he was her "thing" and she had searched for him just as diligently as he searched for his passion. So she stroked and petted and let him moan and complain because she understood. Then one day he threw the vase because she had let the flowers wilt in it. A few weeks later, he kicked the cat when it got in his way. Followed days later by the punch to the wall that just missed her head. She tried to help, but he just called her "Bitch" or "Dumb ass" and she chanted "sticks and stones sticks and stones" in her head like a mantra.

Then the day came. She knew it was coming, but she couldn't get out of her own way. She just braced for it. He had left yet another job that "made him fell dead inside". She had figured out that yelling and throwing and name calling made him feel alive~stirred his juices~made him feel passion. So she let him and then cried as she cleaned his messes and tried to forget the mean things he said. But this day...he hit her. It was the first time, but she didn't feel as shocked as she should have. He needed a release and the usual stuff wasn't working. She stood there thinking, "Well, at least I saw it coming." Then he did it. The one thing she had always said she would never put up with~the line she would not allow to be crossed~the one word she could not chant out of her head. He screamed "CUNT" in her face as he drew back to hit her one more time.

It was automatic. She dropped into the kick boxing stance her personal trainer had taught her and let it fly. She took every bad decision, every nasty name, every degrading feeling and that hit that hurt more than her face and put it into a kick to the groin, followed by a punch to the nose. As he crumpled to the ground, he was not stunned by the physical assault. What made him lay still and pray it was over was the look on her face as she leaned close and whispered,
"Sticks and stones, bitch, sticks and stones."

Go. Explore. Tell me all about it.

2008-03-01T00:34:00.005-05:00

** with help from weekend wordsmith
For as long as she could remember, she wanted to leave. Just go. Wander the world, see the sights. Climb mountains, traverse rivers, frolic with sun kissed brown skinned boys on beaches in the moonlight, see as much as she could as far away from home as she could get... But getting pregnant at 19 meant the world took on a different meaning. Instead of vast deserts and endless prairies, she got vast piles of diapers and endless nights with a crying baby. But she loved that baby so! It was worth giving up her dreams. As her daughter grew, she decided that if she couldn't see the world, her baby girl would. They spent hours with books from the library, long before Baby Girl could even read, looking at pictures. She would read the passages, tell her all about places like the Australian Outback, the Himalayan Mountains, the endless blue depths of the Pacific Ocean. Baby Girl absorbed every word as they lay in bed together at night. She was the only kid in the Kindergarten class that knew that Hawaii's Mount Waialeale is the wettest place in the world or Angel Falls in Venezuela is the world's highest waterfall. She and her mother plotted and planned and saved for the day she could go and explore the world for them both. When ever she asked why, her mother always just said: ASK NOT WHAT YOUR MOTHER CAN DO FOR YOU. ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR MOTHER and what you can do for me is go and see it all and then tell me about it.
So when the day came, Baby Girl did just that. And it was so much more than what she expected! When letters and snapshots sent to her mother could no longer convey what she saw and felt, she began to write books and take the most amazing photos. When publishers and magazines began to showcase her work, no one was prouder than her mother. Anytime a reporter asked why she did what she did, she replied, "So my Mom can see the world." As her fame expanded, it was harder and harder to get back to her mom. When Baby Girl called and expressed her regret at not coming home, she only ever said, "You are doing just what I asked. Go. Explore and tell me all about it.".
Baby Girl was in the middle of an ocean, shooting the most staggering beautiful school of fish when the message reached her. "Come Home" was all it said. Her mother had never asked her to come home before. All she ever said was "Go. Explore. Tell me all about it." Baby Girl went.
Her mom was in the one place she never expected to see her~the hospital. Apparently she had been sick for months, but had never let on. The guilt was overwhelming, but when she stepped in the room, her mother's eyes opened and she said, "Tell me about where you were". So Baby Girl crawled in bed with her mother like she had done a million times growing up but this time she was the storyteller. She began to describe the blue of the sky, the depth of the water, the brilliance of the fish. Her mother closed her eyes and just when Baby Girl thought she was asleep, she whispered, "You know, I was always there with you. I could taste the salt of the water, or the rush of wind on a mountain, or the heat from the desert, I was always there. You always did just what I asked. You took me with you. I need you to do what I ask one more time." She then began to tell her own story, of the cancer that had spread and could no longer be contained and would take her life shortly. As she began to lay out her plan to end the pain, Baby Girl shook her head in disbelief.
"Mom, No!".
"Yes.", her mother insisted. "Remember, ASK NOT WHAT YOUR MOTHER CAN DO FOR YOU. ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR MOTHER. You have always done exactly what I asked. You have been my greatest gift and the best traveling companion that a woman could ever have. Please help me take this final trip."
After all the crying, begging and discussion would not sway her mother's quiet determination that this was what she wanted, Baby Girl took the horde of pain pills from her mother's hiding place and poured a glass of water. She crawled back in bed and fed them to her, one at a time. As the pain began to subside and peace came into the room, Baby Girl held her mother and whispered, "Go. Explore, Tell me all about it."

Six Word Memoir

2008-02-26T22:04:00.003-05:00

weekendwordsmith has this challenge based on Not Quite What I Was Planning by Larry Smith
Write a six word memoir. Simple, right...Not so much, to quote a friend...so, ok, here goes...
1. wishing~hoping~dreaming~ praying~scheming~planning (my apologies to Dusty Springfield)
2. Mom, woman, librarian~yep, that's me!
3. Too much TV, not enough sex (that one belongs to my friend T, who would never post it herself!)
4. Had it, lost it, found it.
5. Living the 75/25 rule daily. (are the numbers words???)
6. Great kids. Great job. Great Life.
Wow, they do sort of flow after a while. What are your six?????

Diet Coke with Lime

2008-02-23T22:17:00.011-05:00

*from a seed planted by Weekend Wordsmith

Another Saturday Night at home. Alone. But it was OK. She had already been to dinner and a movie with friends and was just trying to push her brain into going to sleep. Sometimes Diet Coke-fueled insomnia was beat by reading, sometimes TV, even computer games. Tonight sleep inducing choice was a puzzle. She had just finished one with cows and green fields and a red barn and was staring at the puzzle piece left in her hand. "What the Hell?" she thought. The puzzle was complete ~finished~whole. Where did this piece of clear, cloudless blue sky come from?
Suddenly, the annoying sound of the IM on her computer broke into her musing. She ignored it and turned back to the puzzle. The computer refused to be ignored and "dinged" her again. She looked at it and did not recognize the name. Damn, she wished she had not signed up for that stupid online dating service. And even dumber, she had put her IM in her profile when she was all gung-ho about meeting someone. Just as she was about to close it out, a third message popped up.
Do you work on the fifth floor of the Hudson Building?
Who is this?
I was just looking on line at this dating service and I thought I recognized you.
CRAP!!!! she thought
WHO IS THIS!! Do I know you?
We have never met, but I work in the building sometimes.
Do you work for Marchall and Harvey?
No, I just noticed you. I have often walked by and listened to sound of your laughter when you are with your friends and thought about stopping, but I never had the nerve.
Ok, this guy is a freak....and a stalker
Listen...I don't know who you are..I'm out.
Wait!! don't sign off. Can I bring you coffee Monday and I'll just introduce myself. I'm a normal guy, I promise. I'll wear a blue tie so you'll know me.
Could this be any cornier? It was like a bad chick flick
OK, but I don't coffee, I Diet Coke with Lime :)
See you then.
Sleep was out of the question that night and the next. She had called a girl lunch and dissected this situation back~forward~up~down and her friends all agreed they had to find out who this crazy man was! She kept insisting she didn't care~she had two great kids, a job she loved, good friends~she had a full happy life! Why add an freaky, creepy unneeded piece to her puzzle? But in the end she acquiesced and even let her friends talk her into a new blouse for Monday.
She got to work and started in on the pile of work and tried her best to not think about the coffee guy. Her friends kept stopping by all morning to "help"her.
There's a guy on 3 with a blue tie.
The boss had on a blue tie today.
Old Mrs. Miller has on a blue scarf.
"GROSS!!! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!! "
By the afternoon, nothing had happened. No guy with blue tie had stopped by, no coffee had appeared on her desk. She had had enough and was calling it quits. First she was going to stop by the break room and get her daily Diet Coke for the ride home.
She had her head down and was digging for change when she bumped into someone in the doorway. It was the soda machine guy. He was lifting a case of Diet Coke with one hand and had a lime in the other. Looped around his neck was a blue tie. The exact same shade of blue as the leftover puzzle piece from Saturday night . He smiled. Just a normal guy...
Two months later she was up late working on another puzzle. This time she did not work alone and every one of the sky blue pieces fit.

The Illegible Manifesto

2008-01-26T09:58:00.000-05:00

She found the letters while cleaning out the garage the other day and they had to make her smile. She remembered writing every one! They had gotten her through those long nights of hysteria and insomnia and wanting and hoping and wishing for him to come back. She had given him some~she couldn't talk to him then, so when he came to pick up the kids she would just hand one to him, watch him ignore it, toss it on the seat beside him. She would then go in and cry~both for the kids leaving and his tossing aside both her and the letter.
As she opened the first one, it hit her like a wave. They were obviously the diatribes of a lost soul~someone she didn't know and didn't remember being. They were long and rambling~rants, mostly, against him, his mistress, herself. They would be crazy with threats and blame and cussing, then turn to misty thoughts of past love and begging for a future if only he would come back to her then back to how glad she was he was gone. There was one written to her mother, her grandmother about putting up with the men in their lives and how she now totally understood. And the handwriting~she didn't recognize it~it seemed illegible to her. It couldn't be hers, could it? When the writing was sane, it was neat and tidy, angry was scrawled, love was loopy and girlish~little hearts even dotted the "i". She didn't even have to read the words to know the emotion behind them. As she slid to the floor with them in her hand, she began to understand how she survived those first few months after the betrayal. She had become schizophrenic. By day, she was together and a mom and a survivor. By night~and sometimes all night~ she would let out the angry bitch and the scared little girl and the woman who wanted to be loved and each would write in their own journal~in their own voice, their own handwriting. An illegible manifesto, written to her, from her. A guidebook about how to overcome and move on~but to never forget. None of those women could have survived on their own, on the surface. But each had a voice that needed and deserved to be heard.
She smiled through the tears as she put the letters back. When she needed them, they would be there~still illegible, still a manifesto to herself, from her old friends. The hysterical laughter of the schizophrenic didn't start until she remembered the ones she gave to him. He had told her he read them and kept them in case he ever had to use them against her. No wonder he afraid of her back then. No wonder he was still a little cautious around her to this day~he never knew when those crazy bitches in the illegible letters would come back! And that was just how she liked it!

Romance

2008-01-26T09:56:00.001-05:00

It was a long day, in the middle of a long week. She needed something~anything~to see her through. She decided she needed romancing. Knowing this wouldn't happen without a little nudging, a little direction, she set the stage. Candles in her favorite tropical scents, lit and placed strategically around the bathroom. Big fluffy towels, deliciously soft bathrobes hung on the hook. As she ran the womb-warm water in the tub built for two, she poured in a generous measure of the bath oils her darling had bought her last Valentine's Day~his favorite scent for her, both in and out of the tub. Quietly, so no one would wake up and burst her self-indulgent bubble, she slid in to the arms of the silky, scented water and sighed...Heavenly. She closed her eyes and gave into the multitude of sensations~all of her senses relaxed but alive. The smells, the lighting, the touch of warm water, bubbles, oil on her skin..she began to feel the anticipation build. She slid a rough loofah over her arms, legs, shoulders, then finally over her breasts, shivered. As the water cooled and the bubbles burst, she prepared for her partner in romance to join her. This was the moment she had waited for~the moment she really needed. She stood up, the bathwater running off her body and reaching for the shower massager, washed away both the glimmer of the oil and her need. As she stepped out of the bath, she dried off with the luxe towel, slid on a satin nighty and slipped into the embrace of the robe. She had been romanced and she was happy. In a cloud of the balmy scent of the oil, she padded into the bedroom and slid under the covers, knowing the aroma of his favorite scent would wake her husband and he would give her what she really needed to get through~love.

13 turns 14

2008-01-21T23:22:00.000-05:00

Today, 13 became 14. He had a friend over today and they played 9000 hours of video games. I didn't even get the usual basketball breaks~14 blew his knee out on Saturday and we have to make a visit to the pediatric orthopedic surgeon tomorrow~so I couldn't even send them out of the house! 14 straight days of Call of Duty 79 and NBA 2K pain in my ass and Madden will it never end. Mix in listening to them call each other "Gay" and "Faggot" all day with a generous helping of punching, nipple twisting and ball kicking, eating, talking about boobs and it was a boy's dream day! They were driving me right around the bend, so I decided to annoy them as much as they annoyed me. I broke out a bunch of old country music a friend gave me and played it really loud and sang! It didn't work~they wouldn't even move to14's room, they HAD to have the big screen TV to play X Box on~but I felt a little better when they begged me to stop! The best part of the whole day was letting 15 drive drive the friend home. I was laughing so hard ...The boys really thought they were going to die! They were screaming like little girls! 15 is not a confident driver, so there was lots of slamming on the brakes and when she turned on the windshield wipers with the turn signal, I really lost it. God, I love my kids and their friends. It is going to be really quiet in a couple of years when they don't need me to drive everywhere~I may have to pay for HBO cause my major source of entertainment will be gone!

The puzzle...

2008-01-19T23:36:00.000-05:00

I know it is a stupid cliche, but my life is a giant puzzle. Not a jigsaw~not all cut out and flat so the pieces make a picture so everything can be seen. Not a crossword~too linear~I am the least concrete sequential person on the planet! Word Search? Hmmm~at least some of the stuff is jumbled up, some the right way, some backwards... Maybe a Rubik's cube?? I , too, have 6 areas that demand attention~Me, the Kids, Work, Friends, God, Life (house, dog, car, dating...what's dating again??). While the Universe would seem to demand order~that everything gets put all in its proper place~all the blues with blues, greens with greens~reality is that the sides are all mixed together. The Kids are in with the Job, God is in everything, Friends get all tangled up in My side. No matter how I spin it, turn it, mix it up, stare at it, get frustrated by it, it's always jumbled together. And oddly, I like it! Life is found in the mixing together of all the sides. People get too involved in the lining up of their lives to actually enjoy living! I have feeling that the day that all the colors are on the right sides, everything clean and nice and put together the way it should be, I will be done living and will have moved on to the next puzzle...

Wallowing In It & Digging Out of It

2008-01-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

I spent today wallowing . I didn't get dressed, I ate crap~and lots of it~all day. My mom came by and all I could think was "I wish she would just go away". I actually set out like an alcoholic to eat myself into a stupor last night. I went to the store, picked out what I wanted and methodically set out to eat. Why? Things have been going so well so long that I guess there had to be downside. This is the downside. A wasted, useless, calorie filled day~I sort of saw it coming. I have been feeling the vague discontent coming on for a while. Looking at real estate websites, checking for jobs on Monster, surfing dating sites, the hard bitch sneaking back out. But none of it means anything. I cannot leave here yet, I love my job, I am trying not to be a rag~what's going on? I guess what my grandma used to say is true~people do change just before your birthday. Mine is a month away and perhaps my self reflection is bubbling to the surface. Maybe the fact that I ate my way through a small African nation's food supply and I actually feel bad about it is a good sign. The fact that I recognize a wasted day is a positive step. And best of all, I have this place to write it down. A friend called to ask me to go out, and of course, I said no. She said she could tell I was not going to go out when she asked earlier in the day and wanted to know what was wrong. I told her I am wallowing and she asked why. When I couldn't tell her, she asked if I had written . That's when it dawned on me~I hadn't and not for several days. I need to write now. The idea that I can get it all out~and not for $125 for a 45 minute hour~ may be the thing that saves me from myself. So I am going to write more~mix a little fiction into my observational stuff, a little humor into my self reflection. With the help of my words, maybe next time I won't sink as low and the trip back to the surface will be shorter...