Merry Christmas

My Christmas wish for you: Awesome people, great food, sweat pants & warm fuzzy socks, nice weather, cool gifts, laughter, tears, hugs, a good nap, shiny stuff, incredible words, cold Diet Coke (oops,that's for me), peace in your heart , love in your soul and Santa in your living room. Thank you God for the gift of Your Son...and to my Jewish friends...Enjoy your Chinese food.

I posted this on Facebook. So if you are reading it twice...lucky you!!
Have a very Merry Christmas. Prepare yourself for my New Year's post...I haven't even written it yet, but I am sure it will be my usual exhilarating wonderment....I just gagged my self with that one...

Thankful Tuesday

**lucky for you, I have not taken any new pictures of my feet!**

Thankful Tuesday

1. No sign of flu~swine or otherwise!
2. A "teenage boy website"-free computer
3. Baseball is over
4. Soccer has started
5. I don't have to go up North this winter :)
6. My mom stills takes care of me-
she's buying the 2 plastic tablecloths 17 needs and forgot to mention until 9 pm tonight!
7. The new houses my friends are all moving into!
8. The best "media assistant" in the world! <3 U Rose!
9. As always...God, 17 and 15
10. This has NEVER made its way into my house...

Don't Judge Me!

We were driving to school with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (BFF's Girls-we take them to school everyday) and 15 was able to recite-from memory-the entire McDonald's menu by number. As we sat in awe, he looked at us and said "Don't judge me". We CRACKED UP!! It was so funny!

So...I thought I have a whole list of things I don't want to be judged on...

1. The cleanliness (or lack of) of my home.
2. The smelliness of my dog.
3. The number of shoes and purses I own.
4. My love of NCIS
5. My radio ADD
6. Books...books...more books
7. The fact that I don't remember birthdays or to send Christmas cards...You know I love you all, right? You don't need a piece of paper or a picture of us on the beach wearing khakis and white T's to know that..do you?????
8. I never check my voice mail.
9. eBay jewelry
10. My choice of words...u know what I mean **wink-wink** OK! I cuss too much!
11. The way I drive
12. Diet Coke-ok-that is like my life's blood, so we can't count that!
**God, I am a mess! This list is getting toooooooo long!

So tonight, as I lay my little head down on my carefully arranged pillows (2 under my shoulder, 2 beside me, 1 between my knees and a special 1 under my head), I ask you not to judge me for my idiosyncrasies -embrace them-join me
We have margaritas and chocolate chip cookies at the meetings ;)

Today's special guest

Sunday Scribblings

Welcome to our show! Today's special guest is...oh, let's see, I've lost the card...Oh yes, here it is! Today's special guest is a mother, a librarian, a wanna-be writer...Let's welcome...ME!

**applause...applause***

Thanks so much for being here today!
Thanks for asking me to be here today
It has been a long time since your last visit
Yes, way too long
So what's new in your life? Any special projects?
Well~I have to wash the dog, do about 1000 loads of laundry...
Sounds delightful!
Oh and wash the car!
Excellent, excellent...I see here on my card that you have been writing.
Yes, I am doing the whole"blog for 30 days" thing
Oh! I heard about that! Everyone is doing it!
Well...my blog is different from the others!

**awkward silence**
**crickets**

And OK then. So are you writing anything else?
I am doing some technical writing. And getting paid .02 each to select titles.
That makes you a "published author" then, doesn't it

**canned laughter**

I can see by the clock on the wall we only have few moments left. Have you been doing any traveling?
Oh YES! I just returned from lovely St. Petersburg, FL where I spent an extensive amount of time at the Raymond A. Naimoli Baseball Complex. I also was on tour with a delightful group of musicians and we played two different footballs stadiums on consecutive Friday Nights.

Sounds like a wonderful experience! Well, we are out of time-until next time. Won't you come back soon and tell all about your exciting career?
Oh! I have such an riveting tale about the snakes in the library!

We look forward to hearing all about it.
And join us tomorrow when our guest will be the traumatized maids who had to clean the hotel room that smelled like feet and ass after the teen age boy baseball players left. A sad, terrifying tale~Don't miss it!

Until then, Drive Safe and don't forget...the middle finger is the universal symbol for "Hey! I respect your skills behind the wheel!"

Life and Love

Running
from
baseball to soccer

Dashing
from
band to mock trial

Scurrying
from
Job 1 to Job 2

Grab backpacks and lunches
and money and uniforms
and homework and phones

Phone call
Text message
E-mail

Pause
Breathe
Do it all again

What will I do
when
it all



stops

Just one of the Guys

So 15 and I were driving the other day, talking about how the virus got on my computer...

LG: So, how did you come to find the lovely website you visited? Did you stumble across it or did someone tell you about it?
15: XXXXX told me about it.
LG: Doesn't surprise me.
15: Mom, can we not discuss this anymore? I have a lot on my mind and it is distracting me.
LG: Well, not to mention it is embarrassing discussing boobs and girls and p**n with your mom.
15: Nah, you're just like one of the guys.

I am flattered...I think...

Why can't everyone be like us?

My computer is still infected with "I can't tell you which website I went to 'cause you'll be mad" disease, this is will be quick and lame...I can't drop out of NaBloPoMo on day 4!

A question to ponder...Why is everyone else so lame when we are so fabulous? I know we go through life dropping daises and smelling like sunshine and spreading joy wherever we go-why can't everyone be like that?

**smile-frown**

I was just wondering....talk amongst yourselves and let me know what you come up with.

A quick one counts, right?

I can't write at home cause my computer has "teenage boy-itis", so today is a quick

"Thankful Tuesday"

1. My sense of humor

2. The crazy people I know who "get me"

3. A car that starts, runs, gets good gas mileage

4. My cell phone and its awesome camera

5. A part time job that pays well and is really kind of fun.

6. Someone has paid me to write!

7. My parents rock!

8. The Good Lord shining down on people who truly deserve it.

9. I have yet to really lose it this week... I have been "testy"...

but no one has had to face "THE WRATH OF LIBRARYGIRL"

but hey! H1N1 clinic tomorrow, so ...

10. You..whomsoever you may be :)

I can't take the pressure!!!!!

Ok, so I committed to this 30 posts in 30 days thing. I can do this-I think-maybe. I can talk about the people I work with freakin' right the hell out over our switch to a new e-mail system. Or my son infecting my computer with a virus while "doing what teenage boys do" on the Internet. Or my discussion with a friend over whether it is better to have a 60 IQ or a 135 IQ-both sides have their merits, believe me. Or that stupid lady (or was she smart?) who called in her own self as a drunk driver (really funny transcript). Or I could go to the half dozen "prompt sites" I subscribe to and wax poetic on some random subject. But none of those are as good as this...

30 blogs in 30 days

My Whole Foods Cinderella Fantasy

Ok, I have a confession...I LOVE Whole Foods. I go there like 4 times a year, and always for the same 3 reasons.
1. The Outrageous Cookie. Oatmeal, choc chips, raisins, cranberries, coconut~2 die 4.
2. The No Nut trail mix.
3. The hot food bar-wicked awesome and crazy expensive.
I spend about an hour and $10.00 every time I go-and I so happy! So why, you ask, do I only go there for those reasons and love it so much? Well, it involves my fantasy life...

You see, I drive in the parking lot, park my Chevy Cobalt, slip on my Old Navy flip flops and slide up to the front doors, past the beautiful fall flowers arranged just so. As soon as the doors slide open, my Fair Trade Fairy Godmother waves her organic magic wand over me and I grow six inches. My crazy gray hair becomes perfectly coiffed in a in a $40 barrette. The $1 flip flops become classic black pumps. Baggy Khaki shorts are now a "just tight enough" pencil skirt, white cotton T-shirt morphs into the perfect shade of pink light cashmere shell. My Cobalt becomes a Land Rover. Gucci shades and Blackberry in my Coach bag and I am ready to grocery shop after a long day of meeting with my editor about my next book.

Suddenly, price is no issue. It is all about "the health of my family" $5.00 /lb organic apples, fresh ground almond butter, cold pressed olive oil, free range chicken and no growth hormone milk. Grass Fed beef and stone ground corn tortilla chips and allergy-free everything. I contemplate the merits of dried pomegrante bits versus acai berries for my salad. Shall I buy the honey roasted almonds with cherries or the almond-chocolate-cherries-cranberries trail mix? It is on sale-2 bags for $10.00 -Oh-let's get both! Fresh squeezed juices and the aisle with all the choose your own nuts and beans and granolas! Dinner from the multi-national hot food bar tonight! Organic plant-based shampoo, hand made soap, Earth Shoes, Raw Diet protein bars...Amish butter and Wisconsin Cheeses and Costa Rican Coffee-OH MY!

I fill my cart with all kinds of good for me-good for small foreign nations-good for the Earth stuff, pull out my awesome recycled plastic bottle shopping bags and pack my groceries. I pay with my Black Centurion American Express and head for the doors, calling my retired professional sports playing husband to let him know I am headed home and he should pick up our 2.5 children from the delightfully diverse private school they attend. No help for us-we are "hands on" parents. As the doors slide open, the clock strikes ...

I emerge from the store into the bright FLA sunshine. I slip on my drug store shades, break off a piece of the best cookie I have ever eaten and slide behind the wheel of my trusty American car. I pull a store brand water bottle from the cooler I have prepared and go to watch my son play baseball on this glorious day. I am smiling, happy and content. Just the way a girl should feel after living a fantasy.

P.S. Do you think you can high from granola with Hemp? Just asking!

If this is a mid life crisis where is my red Corvette?

So here it is Friday Night. I am wearing a $2 t-shirt from Wal-Mart and really ratty underwear. Playing Chicken Invaders 3 and listening to Toby Keith ask "How Do You Like Me Now? (oh just fine Mr.Keith, just fine ;) and watching a show on TLC about a flaming gay man addicted to rhinestones designing gowns for pageant queens in Oklahoma (yes-all at the same time-nothing wrong with a little adult on-set ADD). An empty box of Mike and Ike on the coffee table.

WOW

I know...right? I think it is awesome too!

I am really happy. I am-I mean it. Even though I sound like the chick version of the guy in the Brad Paisley song "So Much Cooler On Line". I am content. Even though I sit in a complete state of inertia. I can't move forward and I don't want to go backwards. There must be angst hidden there or I would not be prompted to write for the first time in months. Let's see...

Angst 1: I have been in contact will several old friends from high school or old jobs-Facebook of course-and it just makes me wonder. While I sit here in this little Fla town on the edge of the ocean, how does my life stack up? I have a job I love and really great kids~but no grand adventures, no tragic love stories, no...oommph...no.....well, you know. How many times can I pull out the old "I went to the Playboy Club" thing or "One time we went to the horse races and ended up in the Bahamas"? I have had a few brushes with odd people~the lesbian with the tambourine, the MySpace guy with the librarian fetish, the stalking of the Publix meat manager, the Australian Professional Wrestler~but nothing exciting. Nothing that will get me a drink in a bar or invited to dinner so I can retell the story. Sigh.

Angst 2: Secret Envy rules my subconscious these days. I am covetous of my teenage daughter and her freedom and exploration of life. God, high school was fun and awful and crazy and I am so happy she is doing it and not me. I am jealous that my friend is going back to school and getting OUR Leadership Degree. I am coveting her WRITING-stuff people actually want to read. I am even begrudging her the awkward and slightly painful relationship she just cut out of her life. Dude, this guy (while very nice-a real sweetheart) called her muffin and his underwear panties. He had to go but still, he was there in the first place. I am lusting after the new house she is going to buy~sure, the old house is slowly killing her with Chinese drywall, but she is getting A NEW ONE! I am totally envious of my best friend who is fostering a 1 year old and a 2 year old. She can't go anywhere or do anything,but she has little ones again!
Which leads me to...

Angst 3: I have lost my balls. I can't make a decision to save my life. I think I want more babies or NOT... I want a man and I want to be single. I want to buy a house and I want to travel with my dog, iPod, computer and not much else. I want my kids to go to college and I want them to stay with me forever. I want to stay here so I can take care of my Mom and I want to live in a tent on the edge of a jungle near the water all alone. I want to write a book and a blog people read and do it "anonymously" while people celebrate my wit and enormous vocabulary in the comments . I want to build libraries in Africa and I want to go buy a sleazy romance novel to read in my chair as a hot cabana boy brings me margaritas and sunscreen. I want to be a slug and I want to compete in sprint triathlons. Which leads me to...

THE ULTIMATE ANGST: I am sure this is a mid-life crisis. A man on a dating site asked me why -at 47- I called my self "middle-aged". He is 52 and all the people at the gym think his life is really just beginning-after dumping his first wife for a 22 year old personal trainer (OK-I added that part but you were thinking it and it is probably true). Why? Because no matter how you look at it, I am in the middle of my life. I have been through 3 phases and am getting ready for the rest. It ain't good or bad~it is reality.

If I were a guy, I would put on my "cool shirt"-polyester from 1977- throw on a few chains, go to the local hot spot in my penis-replacing red sports car, spend money like water, pick up a beautiful girl with daddy issues and start my life over. If I were a different woman, I would dye my hair, get contacts, drop 100 pounds, wear something that shows my boobs and cool shoes that make my legs look a mile long, go to the new local hot spot in my ball-replacing black "elegant" sports car, throw around money and pick up a beautiful boy with mommy issues and start my life over.

But I am me. Stuck on the precipice of the rest of my life-the next phase-my "new freedom". I don't know what I want and I don't know where I will go or how I will get there. But it will be OK. I have several career paths I can follow-or I can happily stay where I am for 20 more years and that would be OK too. I have friends who will push or pull me along on all their adventures and from time to time let me navigate the next road we take. I have kids who have SWORN they will put me in a really nice nursing home and pay for it. I even have a "half-son" who says I can sleep in his spare bedroom in the basement. It's all good...

But I really do want that Red Corvette~cause I look really good behind that wheel!

Stripped Down

weekend wordsmith 

 Sometimes I want to be rid of this uniform of conformity 

 Sometimes I want to be naked and bare to the world 

 Sometimes I don't want to be Mom and responsible for other people 

 Sometimes I don't want to go to work and care about other people's children 

 Sometimes I don't want to play nice with the stupid narcissistic people 

 Sometimes I just want to be me and do what makes me happy 

Stripped down 

To music and french fries Diet Coke and the Beach and a book 

Sometimes I realize those feelings 

Make me one of the stupid narcissistic people 

 And I put my uniform back on And smile

Fear

I don't get it. On paper, I have the best life ever. I have INCREDIBLE (yes, they are cap worthy) kids, unbelievably awesome friends, the best colleagues a working person could ever have. And yet, I am stymied. I can't move forward. Why? Is is fear of failure? No...I don't think so, I fail all the time. I am not afraid to speak my mind, I have great ideas. I do possess a little jealousy~sometimes I look around and think "I could do that". I could be a writer, a world famous blogger, an expert on something, get my Ed Leadership Masters and be a catalyst of change at the District level. I could eat better, exercise more~I CAN complete that sprint triathlon I keep yapping about, I know it~ so why aren't I doing any of those things? Is it fear of failure? No~I think it boils down to fear of success.

Express Written Consent

Today
I signed a contract

Not
really legally

But
in my soul quietly

I
agreed I matter

And
I put it in writing

The Bulllet

for weekendwoedsmith


The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the President
It took the Future
It took the Healing

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the Reverend
It took the Faith
It took the Dream

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the President
It took the Well-being
It took the Hope

The Bullet didn't just take the life
of the Broken Man
It took the children
It took the families

The Bullet still takes the lives
of the Innocent People
It mocks the Reward for its capture
It is in control

The Bullet thinks it is all powerful
Destroying our Future, Healing, Faith, Dreams, Well-being, Hope, Children and Families
For all its Destruction, Pain, Heartache, Death, Agony, Misery, Suffering and Turmoil
It is not in charge
We hold the gun

The Bullet never works alone

VD SUCKS*

So, I was gonna write a (hopefully humorous) post about being single and old and BAH HUMBUG VALENTINE"S DAY. I sat down with my yogurt and bagel and OJ (No diet Coke-that explains the headache-just a sec) Ah, much better! Wait! Mom is calling from KY-I'll be back!

OK, now to get to get me in the mood to write, I sat down and fired up the Google Reader, read LettersSpellLove and felt perspective creeping in. OK, so now I need funny to get that perspective monkey off my back~went to loraleeslooneytunes hoping to laugh~that girl is sooooo funny! and got hit with a perspective brick right in the face. Today she wrote about Redneck Mommy and the new man in her life. Her Family has adopted a wonderful 5 year old with special needs. Talk about a Valentine! To celebrate, the blogger world is throwing her a Redneck Shower. All we have to do is write about You know you're a redneck mommy when...so read the next post, please :)

and I will still write a BAH Humbug Valentine's Day post...as soon as I shower all this Redneck Love off me.


*GROSS!! you thought I was writing about VENEREAL DISEASE???
(hair toss/eye roll)....don't you think I would have told you if I had VD? Aren't we friends?? I tell you everything 'cause like...who's gonna know what I tell you here on my blog?. What secrets are you keeping from me?? It's like we hardly know each other. I have to go rethink our whole internet friendship now...excuse me while I go text my real friends...GAWD! WHATEVER!

Nekkid Chilluns and Dirt

What do you get when you cross a Northern-Southerner/ Baptist churched/barefoot Ohio girl with a slightly uptight/Non-practicing Jew/ Boston born/shoes ALWAYS on guy and throw them deep in Florida on 2 1/2 acres and then give them Cracker babies????

16 and 15-the two best-if slightly confused-Cracker babies on the planet, that's what!
16 (to quote myself) walks the fine line between JAP and Southern Belle~what she can't get by eyelash batting and sweetness she gets by bitchin' and screamin'. She is all for Redneck Cracker fun-4 wheelers, horses, football on the front lawn-as long as there is no actual sweating involved.
15 is a dude's dude. Give him a motor, ball, stick, dog and/or gun (his new goal in life is to learn to shoot-my grandfather would be so ashamed that he hasn't killed a live creature at his age) and he is HAPPY!

Just how confused are these little babies ?
Favorite Sports Teams: Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Ohio State Buckeyes, Kentucky Wildcats.
Most hated Sports Team: Florida Gators
15's Top Three College wishlist: Ohio State, Boston College, University of Kentucky
16's Life Goal: To be a SOUTHERN EDUCATED LAWYER! OMG!!!

Their Uncle D was once told me he was afraid they would grow up to be Southerners and never wear any shoes-well, duh-but I did him one better and not only did they not wear shoes, they didn't wear clothes! I looked in my photos albums (ok, shoeboxes and drawers) and realized until we moved into "the city" my young'uns never wore clothes. All of my pictures are of nekkid chilluns! Nekkid in the dirt, nekkid eating popsicles, nekkid dancing in the rain. Nekkid, Nekkid, nekkid...How did these pictures get processed without a cop showing up at my door? All would have been explained, 'cause they would have greeted him...NEKKID!

And Dirty. My kids were always dirty. 15 Liked to suck on rocks until the dirt was gone and then spit them out. 16 liked mud. (WAIT!!! I just figured out how she is going to pay for law school: reminder: look up average pay for naked mud wrestlers) Give my two dirt, water and nekkid and all was right in the universe.

So, my redneck mommy moment comes when they were 2 and 3. They were nekkid, dirty and swinging on the swingset in our FRONT yard when a friend of ours stops by. He pulled up, said Hi to the kids, chatted with me, asked for Ex (then Current) and left when he wasn't home. Didn't mention or even notice that both my kids were NEKKID AND DIRTY ON A SWINGSET IN THE FRONT YARD!

That day, I made my redneck KIN PROUD! And I could hear the Boston Kin rolling in their graves...

You gotta pick your friends better

Actual phone call during my actual working day...


Elementary School Media Center
this is Corporal X at 16's High School. I have pictures of her smoking pot from her MySpace page.
My daughter??? 16???
Yes ma'am. Other students identified her as 16. I just wanted to call you before I called her down.
Well, I don't think it is her. I see her everyday by 6 pm and I have never seen her high (and I would know what high looks like :) I pretty much know where she is everyday~she runs errands for her Dad after school for gas money~I am not naive but I am pretty sure she has never smoked pot and I know she doesn't have a MySpace page.
Well, the pictures are a little out of focus but we can see her peace sign necklace...
16 doesn't wear necklaces~hates them.
Well, I'll call you after I talk to her.
OK, but can I ask you to please be gentle. She will fall to pieces.
I am NOT going to hurt her!
I know, but she is very sensitive. She will be come very upset if she thinks you think she is doing something bad and cry when you question her, so just be ready.

10 minutes later...much pacing and a freaked out phone call to Ex...

Elementary School Media Center
(Hysterical sobbing in the background)
This is Corporal...honey it's OK. It was Not 16, it was her friend. Baby, it's gonna be OK. I don't know why she's so upset. As soon as she walked in the room I realized I know 16 and it was not her and I told her but...don't cry, it's ok...
I'll talk to her when she gets home
OK, don't cry 16...
CLICK

16 has been the brunt of two actions by this friend. Last week the same friend yelled F@%K You! to her ex-boyfriend's mother ~my next door neighbor~and the mom didn't see the friend, only 16. She yelled at 16, then she yelled at me! Now, I haven't been yelled at by a mom in a long time. Especially for something I didn't do! 16 and I had a chat after that and I know that will never happen again.

I am sorry kids, but what all moms say is true. You have to pick your friends carefully and you ARE judged by those friends and their actions. Is it fair, No. Is is it true~YES! 16 doesn't want to lose this friend and I understand that, but changes have to be made. This child has posted pictures of herself on the Internet doing something illegal. They will be there FOREVER. The thing that really bothered me was that whoever the person who identified 16 in the picture was actually thought she would do that. I tried to express that to 16, but she just swears all her real friends know she won't smoke pot and all those other people don't matter. Yes they do sugar plum fairy, yes they do...as will all the college admissions people, job recruiters, future spouses~anyone who tries to look up 16's friend will be able to find those pictures. Childhood and teenage rebellion has been forever changed by the Internet. THANK GOD is wasn't there when I was growing up...Thank God!

25 random things

If you are not my Facebook Friend (why aren't you?) here are my 25 random things...

1. I love to read-books, magazines, cereal boxes, newspapers..love them all!
2. I have the two best kids on the planet
3. I have never been married
4. I once visited the Playboy Club in Chicago-underage :)
5. Everything about the game of baseball is good. I love Ohio State Football, Everblades Hockey, not a big basketball fan.
6. I think the sexiest part of a man's body are his arms and hands. I know I am supposed to say his brain, but seriously...biceps...forearms...hands...Seriously.
7. I am a proud Democrat-but a moderate one.
8. I speak to God all day long~but only do a "Dear Heavenly Father" prayer at bedtime~He hears me either way. I am a "trying my hardest everyday" Christian
9. I would like to take photographs of the sky-day and night. I try, but my camera never seems to capture what my heart and mind see when I look up.
10. I really do like to cuss~it's ^&*@ bad!!!!!
11. Fountain Diet Coke is my Starbucks but any Diet Coke will do! McDonald's French Fries are my favorite food (I have never met a potato I didn't like)
12. I have always had good friends, but I have deeper friendships as an adult than I had as a teenager. They sustain me in ways I hope they know because I never seem to express it.
13. I want to write so badly some days it actually stops my in my tracks. I don't think I have a novel, but I definitely think I could be a columnist or an essayist.
14. I am the world's worst procrastinator
15. I am the world's worst housekeeper but I do really good laundry.
16. While I appreciate speed in all it's forms, American Muscle cars are the best-GT, Barracuda, Charger, Challenger, Mustang, Camaro, Firebird, Chevelle, Road Runner and the BEST of all-any Corvette-from the beautiful yet crappy 53 till today. A new Corvette would be my first purchase after I win the Lottery. I have owned both a Nova and an Impala~the rumble of a big block, high horse power engine makes me tingly~talk Hemi and 442 to me, baby! Even my 1990 Camaro ROCKED!
17. If I had the money, I would never leave college. I hope someday to be Dr. Ashley.
18. My blog: driftingdiverence.blogspot.com
19. I want to travel the world someday-Ireland and New Zealand call to me.
20. I consider myself a Northern Southerner~I am a first generation Yankee (Buckeye). I walk the Mason Dixon line, but my soul is Southern. I wish I had been born in the Deep South and I intend to always make the South my home base. My heart lies in Eastern Kentucky
21. Water calms my soul. The Beach is one of God's greatest gifts. Lakes, creeks, ponds~all good. I love rain and thunderstorms.
22. I will always believe in the Good. Once I am hurt, it is hard for me to forget-I always forgive, but rarely forget. But everybody gets more than one chance-cause I always believe in the Good!
23. I LOVE SHOES!!! ...But I really don't like to wear them and I CANNOT drive with my shoes on.
24. I love dogs. I will probably end up an old "dog lady" like you see on TV, crying cause they are taking my 10 dogs away.
25. My three hopes for my children: work that fulfills them, children that give them they joy they give me everyday and a Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary with the love of their life.

14 is 15

well, 14 is now 15.  He is going to be such a good man-a great husband and father.  His heart is so good and he is such a warm soul.  I totally believe he will end up coaching baseball-he loves the game-not just the playing, but the game itself.  I don't think 16 will have kids, but 15 will give me more than enough grandbabies!  He will be the dad with the van or the truck, hauling kids and dogs and sports stuff, with a cooler full of juice and always room for one more. But first-he has to get his license~oh God, two teenage drivers in m y house~pray for me ya'll :)

Life in the "LibraryGirl" Lane

So I was driving home from Ohio with a miserable case of the "WTF-a cold". My nose was running so bad that I had to stick a wadded up tissue up it to keep the grossness from dribbling down my face. I had lip gloss on my nostril because in two hours it got so red and irritated that it was bleeding. I was in a GREAT PLACE! So I got in the left lane and began to nurse a much deserved (IMHO) case of road rage. I called people names-screamed how much I hate EVERYONE in OH, KY and GA, I ranted against Detroit and Japan, with Germany and Great Britain thrown in for good measure-I even flipped off a person or two. My radio ADD was out of control because the mountains of GA have a lovely selection of old Country, new country, Bluegrass, and old tyme PREACHERS-all of which I normally like, but not in this mood! Even Nice Cold Fountain Diet Cokes and a large assortment of road food couldn't make me feel better. I drove 12 hours and stayed at a delightful little Motel 6 in Tifton, GA., slept like a dead person, got up in the am to fog so thick I couldn't see myself...Another great day! I stuffed more tissue up my nose, cranked my iPod (I forgot it in my snotty haze) and put the pedal to the metal. I sreamed at more stupid people, ranted about major highways having only 2 lanes, drank 6 or 8 Diet Cokes. Then my cold medicine kicked in and I began to lighten up-and take pictures of the beautiful scenery-while I was hurtling 85 mph on I-75. It was after my camera batteries died and I was bored with iPod tunes and I had crossed into the land of the WORLD'S WORST DRIVERS-Florida-that I came up with the LibraryGirl Lane (LGL) idea. (BTW-I suggest that Prez Obama put all kinds of people to work making EVERY major highway in America a minimumof 3 lanes-seriously)

THE PLAN
A lane (to be know as LGL) shall be placed down the middle of the median for MY personal use. I will allow a select few to join me there. You just have to follow a few rules...and pass a couple of tests.
1. All users of the LGL must pass an IQ test. Seriously...a simple IQ test.
EX Q1: What 2 numbers are on the white sign that says SPEED LIMIT?
EX Q2: What is the shiny object attached to your windshield?
2. All users of the LGL must pass a driving test.
EX Q1: Name the 2 pedals under your feet.
Only Acceptable answer: There are 2 pedals? I only know the one that makes the car go FASTER
EX Q2: Assuming you know what that shiny thing attached to your windshield is, what do you do when you see another vehicle in it?
Only Acceptable answer: Get the hell out of the way!
3. Any vehicle pulling ANYTHING will be banned from the LGL.
4. All RVs will be outfitted with a special sensor and if they pass the white line into the LGL...they will EXPLODE!!!
5. I will grant special privileges to a select few along the road who exhibit exemplary driving skills. Like the little Honda who impressed me with his ability to use an EMPTY RIGHT LANE to pass all the PITAs who had parked themselves in the left lane to go EXACTLY 70 mph!!!!!!!
I bow down to your skills, young LG Driver-in-training and welcome you to the LGL. Come on over, set the cruise on 85 and enjoy life with out dumb asses.

So if you think you can hang with LG, come take the tests. If you pass, you will get a special front license plate that says "LEAD FOLLOW or GET OUT of the WAY!" and a bumper sticker with your favorite cartoon character flipping off the guy behind you.