Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It was only a dream...

I have written about the way that I dream. Very Vividly, I can direct a dream like a movie. But I had one the other night that was so real...I want to keep having it...I want to finish it...but I can't bring it back.

In my dream I was working. I don't really know where, just at a job. And there was a man. Tall, my age, nicely built , dressed in a pair of "work slacks" and a dress shirt. Tie loose, sleeves rolled up. Nice disposition, smelled good, clean cut. But here's the real bitch of it all...I never saw his face.

So I go along having the dream. Just working, hanging out with people, getting to know "the guy". Here's where it gets strange. At one point, I get a phone call. "The guy" leans across my desk to answer the phone because caller ID says it is my ex and he wants to yank his chain for me. As I reach across to stop him, I duck under his arm and put my hand on his back...and I felt him. Not dream felt, actually touched him-put my hand on a real back, touched a real shirt and felt it in my whole body. It was like a shock. I woke up then and all I could think was "I have to go back to sleep. I have to find this man!" It was love at first touch-in a dream. But try as I might, I can't seem to have the same dream and I can't conjure him up again.

As I write this, I feel a little grief stricken. Like I have lost something. But I never had it~he isn't real, I don't know who he is~I never saw his face. It is one of the strangest experiences I have ever had. But I tell you~I would know this man if I met him. I have touched him~and been touched by him in a way I don't understand. How can you mourn the loss of something you never had? But I do. I want this...feeling...to be resolved. So tonight,I sleep, perchance to dream. To maybe meet and touch the someone out there who is on the other side of that dream. Who is waiting for the woman who touched him to find him~in the daylight~with eyes wide open.

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