Saturday, February 14, 2009

Nekkid Chilluns and Dirt

What do you get when you cross a Northern-Southerner/ Baptist churched/barefoot Ohio girl with a slightly uptight/Non-practicing Jew/ Boston born/shoes ALWAYS on guy and throw them deep in Florida on 2 1/2 acres and then give them Cracker babies????

16 and 15-the two best-if slightly confused-Cracker babies on the planet, that's what!
16 (to quote myself) walks the fine line between JAP and Southern Belle~what she can't get by eyelash batting and sweetness she gets by bitchin' and screamin'. She is all for Redneck Cracker fun-4 wheelers, horses, football on the front lawn-as long as there is no actual sweating involved.
15 is a dude's dude. Give him a motor, ball, stick, dog and/or gun (his new goal in life is to learn to shoot-my grandfather would be so ashamed that he hasn't killed a live creature at his age) and he is HAPPY!

Just how confused are these little babies ?
Favorite Sports Teams: Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Ohio State Buckeyes, Kentucky Wildcats.
Most hated Sports Team: Florida Gators
15's Top Three College wishlist: Ohio State, Boston College, University of Kentucky
16's Life Goal: To be a SOUTHERN EDUCATED LAWYER! OMG!!!

Their Uncle D was once told me he was afraid they would grow up to be Southerners and never wear any shoes-well, duh-but I did him one better and not only did they not wear shoes, they didn't wear clothes! I looked in my photos albums (ok, shoeboxes and drawers) and realized until we moved into "the city" my young'uns never wore clothes. All of my pictures are of nekkid chilluns! Nekkid in the dirt, nekkid eating popsicles, nekkid dancing in the rain. Nekkid, Nekkid, nekkid...How did these pictures get processed without a cop showing up at my door? All would have been explained, 'cause they would have greeted him...NEKKID!

And Dirty. My kids were always dirty. 15 Liked to suck on rocks until the dirt was gone and then spit them out. 16 liked mud. (WAIT!!! I just figured out how she is going to pay for law school: reminder: look up average pay for naked mud wrestlers) Give my two dirt, water and nekkid and all was right in the universe.

So, my redneck mommy moment comes when they were 2 and 3. They were nekkid, dirty and swinging on the swingset in our FRONT yard when a friend of ours stops by. He pulled up, said Hi to the kids, chatted with me, asked for Ex (then Current) and left when he wasn't home. Didn't mention or even notice that both my kids were NEKKID AND DIRTY ON A SWINGSET IN THE FRONT YARD!

That day, I made my redneck KIN PROUD! And I could hear the Boston Kin rolling in their graves...

1 comment:

Renee' said...

I don't know how I missed reading this but part of it actually made me laugh out loud. Kind of funny how all those years ago we lived so close together.