Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My Flabber is Gasted

I have not been a kid in many years. I'm sure I was both highly intelligent, curious and highly naive. I probably believed most of what my friends told me. But today 15 said something on the drive home that left me SPEECHLESS (those of you who know me can quit laughing now). "Mom, " she said, "Is it true that whenever there is an awkward silence in a conversation, a gay baby is born?" After about 10 seconds of stunned silence, I spat out "WHAT???" She then told me that someone said that today at school. I told her if it were true, we'd all be gay. The stuff kids come up with is hysterical. During her first week of middle school, a boy sat down at the lunch table and proceeded to make fun of the girls sitting there. He called them all stupid and supposed none of them knew what a condom, dildo or orgasm were. 15 (at 11), of course, had to ask me..again in the car while I hurtling through space at 45 miles per hour. My flabber was gasted that time, too. I began to explain each of them (I am one of those "ask and I will tell" moms). As soon as she got the gist, she would put her fingers in her ears and sing "LALALALALA", then tell me to answer the next one. If you think that wasn't fun, well then, you just ain't never had any fun!
Another fun car conversation: 13 (at 11) and me driving to a baseball tourney. He has the comics from the paper and is looking at a picture of a "hot chick"~ooo lala. He tells me how she is sexy.
Me: How do you knows she's sexy
Him: Cause I'm a sexy beast (rubbing his chest)
Him: And I get down with my bad self
Me: Choke, Sputter, laugh, choke, tears, sputter, choke, laugh
I think I am going to plant a tape recorder in my car. I could write a sitcom based on nothing but the conversations that take place while we drive all over Creation and back. I would be like Seinfeld, but instead of a New York apartment, it would be a 1992 Ford Taurus wagon. 15 and 13 are my sidekicks. Fat Dog could be our Kramer. Maybe ABC, NBC or CBS wouldn't buy it, but I bet the CW would pick it up.

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