Thursday, December 6, 2007
A Turning Point
I was moved to tears. Not the usual hot tears of frustration, or an automatic girly~mom reaction to TV grief, sadness or happiness. A real, "honest to God" visceral reaction, moved to tears by the beauty of something bigger than me. I was on a stretch of beach that was a testament to how much God loves us. I was completely alone with this amazing piece of nature. Nothing but me, the birds, the fish, shells with the creatures still in them moving all over the sand and in the shallow water. Not a single man made sound~just fish jumping, birds calling, bugs buzzing. I was stopped in my tracks by it. I wanted to go and lay down in the shallow water and let it swallow me. Instead I stood stock still, closed my eyes, thanked Him for this moment. When I opened my eyes, I realized I had tears streaming down my face. I also~at THAT moment, realized I have let myself become hard. I was always the soft, forgiving one. Now I am the harsh unforgiving one. I don't like it. That moment taught me I am part of something bigger and if I stop, close my eyes and open my heart, beauty will come back into it. Softness will come back in. Forgiveness will come back to me. Tonight, I am again moved to tears. The tears of a woman who has forgiven herself and knows she has been forgiven.